But when its a special day like today,when you feel liberated and free,when you touch your basic roots and are grateful for all the things you have, you need to take a plunge and wade out of your fears.
Its so intimidating to expect,to give in,to give up,to let anyone reach that part of you which you've fiercely protected all your life.We create barriers even in our head to save ourselves from getting hurt and wander aimlessly trying to figure out whats missing even when everything is so perfect.
Inspite of believing in so many things,inspite of feeling good about life and yourself,inspite of those rosy pictures,theres a void you cant seem to decipher. It touches base with you seldom but when it does the feeling that surges is undefinable. This uncertainty intensifies the emotion more and you suddenly roll back to your first day at school,when everything was new and hazy,when you were trying to grapple and make sense of what lies ahead of this. Remember holding on to Moms hand like letting go off it would be the end of the world for you?
Its this mist that you desperately want to walk past, a mist that makes you vulnerable and arouses unfelt intense emotions.Questions which can only be answered by time and experience, and clamor that can be quietened only by faith. Acknowledging and accepting that part of you is a challenge, its easy to accept yourself with the flaws and beauties in you, but accepting a gaping hole is a struggle because you dont really know whats missing.
Its larger than life, its overwhelming,its unseen, its unfelt and its swept me into territories I fear the most......as it does to everyone every once in a while...........when you hold on to your faith like letting go of it would mean the end of world to you.........