Thursday, December 29, 2011
While I sulk about Mr.Right being an idiot of the highest order, I confess, my otherwise awesome family becomes unnervingly seriousssss when it comes to marriage. They turn into characters from Saas-Bahu serials where women have flaring noses when angry and suddenly go teary the next minute AND suddenly go normal AND suddenly go emotional and blah blah. Its not just them, its a #sociopedemic#(:p)
SO. I feel like hurling stones and abuses at the cruel Indian society for devising a trend where girls feel centenarian before time. While I'd like to be my age, youthful,carefree and plain awesome,"Well-wishers-with-experience" appear making me feel like an "Oh-my-god-24-plus-year-old" aunty,ehhh,girl i mean.
People,I mean well-wishers-with-experience,"I know that Life mein compromise karna padta hai", but its unfair to make me feel like a creaky, aging-at-the-speed-of-light-aunty, ALREADY!" In my head, I feel monumental sometimes. You ask my age, and pat I might go, 50!!!!! (sniff)
My otherwise progressive, uber-cool-chic-Mom, turns into Jaya Bacchhan from K3G when it comes to marriage, "Keh diya, Bas Keh Diya" ,talk to the hand gesture and then bangs the phone! Ehh.....Excuse me?
My sister. Very modern and free hai jee. BUT. Her breezy youthful mind turns doddery as soon as it detects the word 'marriage'. THERE, my gorgeous idol,just changed her team!(sniff sniff)
Now,now.I louuuveeee all the attention you give me and get me (wink) but then come-onnnn, I deserve to feel youthful(with-time-on-my-side) for some more time,No?? Maybe;just a thought, but maybe, I ACTUALLY turn into a big-time columnist. Come-onnn, now don't say, marry a rich guy and write a column for a magazine that's circulated within 100 people.Ok if he's THAT rich and smart, maybe 1000.Ok 2000.That's it!
The point being, a 24 year old,is meant to blow her earnings shopping, buy a 'car that turns junk in a year', party till wee hours, travel to her hearts fullest,have crazy over-the-top dreams and fall in love with the right guy *without any compulsion*(Tall-guy-short-girl romance,love at first sight, I'll give up anything for you kinds, ahhaaann,now THAT's my story!)
No arranged fraaaandships turned into love-ships please.Only love-ship, 'at first sight preferably'.
Now,Mr.Right and I will obviously meet very soon, and it'll click. But what if I've already turned into a '24-yet-over-the-hill" kind-of-a woman by the time we meet? I'll talk about life and beyond with him?My future career plans.Would you like to do frandship,pleeejjhh?? I can even cook.What am I best at? Maggi.AND YOU????! Dammit.
This great Indian marriage saga has been going on for a while now.(aaarghhh) So long, that I now conk off the minute the tune starts.
Oh! By the way! Is it true that once your Dad retires, your desirable-o-meter goes down???Lmao! I might die laughing at this one. WHO are these men and families? Who thinks in these lines? I would like to give them the "archaic-sissy-men-who-deserve-a-kick-on-their-butt"award and also write a letter to god requesting for vamp-type brides for them.
My other letter?? Would be to cupid.Begging him to design my dhinchak filmy moment asap,with masaala-but-no-drama torrid affair followed by parents giving blessings "like karan johar movies" , friends throwing "hollywood chick-flick type pre-marriage party" and of course well-wishers c'O'mmenting on how beautiphoool our kids would look.
But till that happens, plisssss,plissssssss,pliiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssssss,Don't make me feel so old!!!I'm just 24 (sob sob)
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Sometimes you know you're taking a bloody risk, maybe a useless risk that you'd regret, but just wanna do it. I remember seeing those two heads popping near that boat in the middle of the sea and knew I just HAD to swim there, to that boat, if even ONE person in this universe can reach there,then so can I, period, PERIOD. I'm no ace of a swimmer but then I guess swimming is the only sport to my credit. The waves were up against me, I like to believe that the sea is my best friend but Dammit! You know better. I anyway kept swimming towards the boat. I just HAD to reach there, I fcking had no clue why. It was plain rebellion. Plain defiance.It was plain breaking of boundaries. THAT ONE MOMENT. I just knew I HAD to reach there.
As I neared the boat, my breath got heavy and I knew I was fighting against waves that were wayyy too stronger than me,I'm hardly a swimmer anyway. By the time I reached it, I had almost given up hope, but what the hell! I reached!! To be honest, I was scared, for some reason I was freaking scared of that moment when I thought I'd lost my strength.
Those two heads who'd inspired me to reach there were chatting and laughing away to glory as I reached the boat. Whew! It gave me some comfort to find them there. As I got on top of the plank. Whoa!It was pure bliss. The waves bobbling the plank and me with it, the wind against my being,the freaking vastness of water all around. As I looked at the shore and back into the sea, I could feel myriad emotions stirring inside, scaring me, titillating me,playing with me, but what dominated them all was that feeling of having reached here, LIBERATED, LIEBRATED,LIBERATED.
I took help from those two strangers and swam back with them feeling safe having companions now. The High Five on reaching shore was worth it! Yes Baby! So worth it!
The bug in me, the bitch in me, the brat in me,the lover in me, looked back into the sea and shouted out, YOU! THIS time we're not looking at each other from the face. This time, I got you, this time, I got you BabY!
Friday, December 23, 2011
I've heard this more often than I'd like to and it has left me disillusioned more times than I'd like to have been affected by it.But Now. Finally. God has whirled me in the middle of events where dreams turn into an absolute reality and there are hopes galore. Took time but here I am......
I'm not a topper, have never been, was always above average in school,average in college and kind of poor in MBA. I look manageable cute types. Beauty lies skin deep, I always believed, still do. But my body is my temple, I NOW know, it needs to be worshiped and taken care of like a little baby, that's the only thing god truly gave me, the only thing that's truly mine, at least for the moment.Self-obsession? Maybe.
I dream, dream so much that sometimes it turns real. Like time stops and I start living the dream.I had this vision,this place in my head,since very very long.And one day, that EXACT place in my head, the EXACT SAME PLACE,appeared in front of me. I clutched Dee's arm and screeched, "Dee,THAT is the exact place where I wanted to celebrate my big day!" If this isn't magic, then what is? I wanted to scream out to the world that one moment, STOP BEING AFRAID. Dream , dream, dream. Dream big. Dream small.Dream of everything you want.
Realities get moulded out of these dreams, goddamit!Don't listen to those who ask you to get real because life throws stones at you. It will, it has and it will continue to.You have flaws, I have flaws, life has flaws, just like us. Love it and love everything it has to offer, WITH ITS FLAWS.
If only, they knew how to live, how to love, how to want, how to crave,crave with that undying thirst to get more and feel orgasmic pleasure every time a wish came true, they would have been living! Not asked you to stop living!
Isnt it magical to feel euphoric? When you feel like you're carving something so damn fantastic that "you tomorrow" would love "you today" every minute for it? Be fair to yourself. You owe it to you.
Mundane or exciting.Happy or sorrowful. Calm or stormy.Life is filmy either way.You just choose to either fill pages with colors and discoveries or paint it grey accepting boredom and mediocrity as it comes.The happy pictures aren't fantasy. They're a facet. I believe and believe out of experience. Not because shit doesn't happen to me. It happens all the time. But the grey just DOES'NT stand a chance in front of colors for too long.
Every time I observe, I know there are people around me doing wonders,who have knowingly/unknowingly awakened that sleeping side which was waiting to be touched again and this time not get sedated by pitfalls.
They inspire me to again get filmy, to let that zest ooze out from every fibre of my being.Being an optimist has never hurt anyone, lust for the sweetness of that moment you maybe saw in a video,read in a book or just visualized in your head.But lust for it with an intensity that nothing mellows you from being alive.
Get filmy,Get Real. Because reality is all about creating moments and films are nothing but the ultimate portrayal of human creativity on celluloid.....
Saturday, December 10, 2011
I haughtily wanted to roll eyes at that but he put it across with such sincerity that it got me thinking instead.
“We come into the world alone and leave it alone yet seek companionship,Why?"
We come alone and leave it alone. The next time someone says this, twist their arm(Get violent with the rumor monger)! The belief in this immensely popular statement needs a brain-check. REALLY!
Right from conception, we've been intimately connected to our Mother (physically and emotionally), left the ethereal womb only to be in the safe havens of a doctor’s arms. We have needed intimacy (and I'm not talking about only sexual intimacy) to ameliorate since birth.
As you grow older, the physical shore-up might not be necessary but emotionally, we ALL need support,closeness, comfort and warmth, that familiar feeling of "belonging" to be wholesome and to experience the grandest version of "ourselves".
I feel disheartened to see that friend losing faith in camaraderie and thinking he's someone no-one can really like, once he starts being himself,that is. He pretty much seems to be heading the Devdas path (rolling eyes), the sorts who stop believing in people completely and think LP way is the way the way to be! I could almost hear Numb playing in the background, " I'm tired of being what you want me to be .........bleh bleh bleh....All I want to be is be more like me and be less like you...bleh bleh bleh" (Oh! I think its a great track by the way. Just for the records)
Relationships are like elixir, they can touch and heal us in the worst of our times, we need them to blossom and our individuality is accentuated by them. It’s cruel to be ungrateful and aloof towards people who value us. But it’s even more cruel (to yourself) to brood over what didn't click and people who don't don't value you. Sometimes wonderful people can make us restless, it’s maybe the role they’re playing at that point of time, which doesn't fit into the big picture. I’ve felt angry with certain people at some point of time and adored the same people at other times in a different role. It’s just the role and timing, dammit! Don’t discard the magic of amity because of some delusional claptrap in past.
While I love staring into the horizon ‘alone’ most of the times, while “me-time” is almost like a truss that holds me from gloaming, I understand and accept that some things are beyond ‘me’. Its awe-so-‘me’ to be a strong individual but loony to disregard the beauty of companionship, life can never be experienced to its fullest without somebody close enough to hear that whisper, catch that tear, consume that smile and dream your dream.
We intuitively need that connection, familiarity, love and respect to flourish.
We seek companionship because the fact is ‘we never came alone and we’ll never really know if we leave alone…….’
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Anyway,If there are two women (if not more) someone is attracted to, at the same time, 'he is' to say the least, a real indecisive jerk. And indecisive men, take laziness,selfishness and stupidity to a different level altogether. (Rolling eyes) Can't decide which one you like more ?(Smirk) Get a brain!
Now I think, Casanova's (honest Casanova's that is :-p) are way better than cheaters. They are not committed and say so. When they finally get into a serious relationship,they remain committed,mostly.Otherwise they qualify for the disgusting indecisive jerks category (for the records).In my eyes, Casanova's are an Okay bunch. They think less, have fun and are happy- go-lucky. When they finally fall in love, they really make the relationship meaningful.Hence,I vote for the category of men who've been there, done that and finally settled with who they think is "the one" for them. These men, are sure of what they want,respect their choices and stick to their decisions. That's desirable (Thinking deeply) Okay wait. I'm not promoting Casanova's.It's just a thought.
Getting back to the point,who wants to be cheated upon? I mean, unless you suffer dementia and visit the shrink every week or maybe are made up of some alien matter. If I fall for a guy, who says he loves me and ends up getting attracted to Ms.Somebody else,it would be excruciating. The humiliation would come for free and to add cherry to the cake you realize your judgment was also wrong. Its very very shallow, but the only way I can forgive cheating would be …maybe cheat back. But then the whole purpose of falling in love gets defeated.
Contrary to the eye-rolls die-hard love gets these days, I still believe, when it comes to relationships, its necessary to madly,unconditionally and passionately fall in love.That kind of love leaves no space for anyone else. Its one person occupying all your brain space along with other "important" things. Not random "others".Its difficult to feel that kind of a crazy emotion but 'SO Worth it'!
1) You either settle-in for a boring mundane relationship where mind-games,ego issues and arguments lead you to cheating.(If that's the movie my life was going to turn into, I'd rather get up in the intermission and leave the theater)
2) Madly,unconditionally, passionately and crazily fall in love with that one person who could occupy your brain space and refused to budge. The kind of a chick flick where they lived happily-ever-after.(If its my life, I'd prefer the anticipation throughout the plot and watch the movie till the end when the girl tip-toes, kisses the hero and bingo! The frog turns into prince charming)
I mean, I'd want to turn the 'frog into prince charming' over turning 'prince charming into a frog' who hops around cheating.
So how about sparing yourself the stress from thinking,analyzing and worrying?Its okay to be an emotional zombie till that spark is strong enough to block distractions
Oh did I forget, cheating is pretty downmarket. And also, stressful. No?
Cheat Not:Get a Brain!
Friday, November 18, 2011
I typed that last email of the week to a client when it dawned upon me that I had nowhere to go after office. Normal people work on weekdays and chill on weekends,but Mumbai people party on weekdays, party more on weekends and slyly the word party sneaks into your sleeves like a tiresome bug.
You walk past people in coffee shops, malls, elevators,office and simply can't miss the oh so routine, "Hey! Of course we'll 'party' this weekend ya." Now before you start thinking here's a loony idiot from some small town dissing Mumbai lifestyle, lemme clarify, I totally love Mumbai.
But the growing craze of "partttying" is becoming, ehhh (clearing throat), a little taxing. As soon as Wednesday knocks your door, it brings along with it, status messages,text messages and conversations,everything revolving around the same la di freaking da question, "Whats the plan for the weekend??"
Dammit!I have no plans this weekend! I'm a little lonely girl in a little lonely matchbox sized house in Mumbai typing away to glory (thinking, she'll be the next big name in the writers world. Sneer ! Beat that!). Houses in this city are really tiny,you'd get a mansion for the same price at other parts of the country, but its a different ballgame in Mumbai. I love the place anyway. Don't ask why! I just love this city for some crazy reason even I'm yet to figure.
Getting back to the point, earlier I used to dread weekends for the party overdose.The kind of parties where they play trance music, a crowd of drunk weirdos( whoa! Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-drinking. Happy high and crazy fun is something I totally love. Even girls getting drunk and standing on tables swinging their heads from side to side like Kailash Kher is kind-of okay.And if you can pull off the stunt like Priyanka Chopra in Anjaana Anjaani, then its cute actually).But here, drunk people just swing in slow motion and go WOOOOHHOOOOOO in gaps. I've caught people yawning on the dance floor and suddenly screaming an excited wooooohoooo out of nowhere. That startles me. Excuse me! What the hell do you think you're doing? Adding surprise elements to this sedative party?
These parties are boring but bearable to put it mildly.
What makes the word "partying" agonizing is its transition into a fun-o-meter (I cooked up the word. It means something that measures your fun quotient)
Its considered uncool to be at home alone on weekends.
I like acting pricey when people want me to join them and I "chose" to stay home and relax.But when you have no choice but to stay home and "relax", you feel,ummm,restless. A sympathetic friend might even blink at you with the "aww you poor thing look" to make things worse.
I know it sounds "high- school-ish"? As if its such a big deal!
Even I thought so till I made an observation, not only about my own behavioral pattern but a majority of others around me. Random people made "plans" for the weekend to make it happening. The days that followed were full of nonsensical banter and gossip. Men talking about hot chicks they spotted and women talking about clothes,bags,make-up and the b*&*h who was being rude.
Hell! Now since when did that become fun! Since when did that become "partying".
Letting your hair down and dancing to music of your choice, conversations with people you adore and plans with like-minded enthusiasts you enjoy with. Stuff that fills the next few days with fond memories of time well-spent is my idea of a "real party".
Partying just because its weekend?? Damn! Something wrong there.
Today evening, I almost dialed a number to make a "plan" because I had no other "plan" when I realized, Shucks! I'm infected by this virus.This virus which screams,
"Its weekend and you aren't Pardddyyying!!!" (Tch tch)
Sunday, November 6, 2011
In less than 5 months you'll turn 25! Can't stop dreaming of 'you at 25'! You're my inspiration to rebel today, you know?Rebel with a cause.
Have you finally gotten rid of that paunch? Tell me you're wearing an uber-hot black dress and posing for pictures without sucking in your tummy. That kind of spoils your smile,you know?I mean, you either smile pretty at the camera's or concentrate on hiding the paunch right?
Is your frizzy hair now long and glossy? Remember that 'wavy hair look' you've been dying to attain for months? Hope you've tamed your hair to fall on your face just the right way instead of flying all over the place making you look like a homeless pauper.
How was the party?Did you throw a proper birthday party this year? Don't disappoint people by feeling tired right before it begins like last year.They take pains planning and you fall sick on D-Day(How do you manage such fiasco's?). If you again made people go dutch then I'll refuse to acknowledge you as an extension of me. Its uncool. You don't want more jokes about this, do you? Imagine being called Esha-The Cheapstake or people exclaiming, "Shit its her birthday, loss mein jaana padega.!!!" (Aww Baby!Don't blush! Shit Happens.)
I hope you've cut your birthday cake with Mr.Right by your side and the first quarter life hug was from him. Our family loves him as much as you do, ya? You must be a wealthy woman with all that money/gifts as per the deal. Ahaan Ahaan! Rich girl! I like that.
Have you started freelancing again? Please tell me I was able to gift you the title of being a "Freelance Writer" this birthday. Wow! That would be awesome.Hope your words have the kind of honesty/sincerity as I always envision you to have. Never let anything, I mean ANYTHING, change the ease with which you write. Although I know your love for sharing it has been consistently growing as it gets acknowledged, promise me you'll never let anything external influence your style and thoughts. This is our precious gift, it defines us.We'll keep it straight from the soul. All our life.
Hey just remembered!What happened to the Canada trip? The embassy thought you're gonna marry an NRI and settle in Kannneddda.( Please embassy! I know our country is paranoid about marriage but our generation has better dreams than sneaking into a Phhoreign country and finding a boy to marry there) (Like Really!!!! Rolling eyes)
Hope you've managed to get that god damned Visa and visited Canada before touching the quarter mark. Singapore or Dubai should work fine if the Canadian (read Cana- Daayan) embassy doubts your intentions even now.
You started volunteering for an NGO ya? If you haven't given them 'time' then give them some money, skip a branded bag/shoes/dress and do a good deed instead. You anyway know zilch about brands, wannabee. Let the three girl friends and EnuNani compensate for that void in your life.
Esha. Trust you've made me proud this birthday. I'm praying everyday that you have; because this birthday would define so many other birthdays of our life.
Remember, even if you goofed up somewhere, its okay. Keep those dreams alive, you'd be so incomplete without them. Even if you got disappointed or hurt, don't lose faith. Shit happens sometimes, right? . Promise me, you haven't let go off any of 'my' dreams and have a brand new set to look forward to for yourself.
Wish you welcome 25 with exuberance and tell me, "You were right. We did it. We made Mom Dad proud. I am a reality created of your dreams (La-Di-Dah)" :-)
Wishing all of this and so much more.....
Esha (5 months from meeting you)
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
We analyze, question,judge and keep judging people all our life, and in the end ...(It doesn't even matter,LP style,for the records :p).Sometimes for our own sake,sometimes for the sake of others and at other times just for the sake of it!
The other day I told M, "You know what? If only we learn to forgive and let go the way Vini and Rustic do, we'd be so much happier. They really give meaning to "forgive and forget".
Yesterday I roped him in for a plan and asked him to invite someone else also before disappearing for 3 hours.Rustic sulked for exactly ten minutes (or was it lesser?) over my behavior and then completely forgot about it. If it was any of us (in fact most people I know) ,we would have held on to it and sulked for hours (or days?:-o). How can anyone behave like this,right??? You can't just make plans and then go absconding!" .
M agreed," We would have made a bigger deal out of it surely. Ego issue precisely."
As for Vini. She has forgiven and forgotten in more ways and more times than I can remember. All I can say is I love her more than ever now.
The point is, do family,friends and relatives, need to prove their loyalty and love all their life? Is it so hard to accept that there would be times when we'd disagree, times when we can't be there for each other, times when they can't make it for a big day ( Maybe your wedding. I dread not having some people by my side that day, but "what if" !!! Will I strip off the "close" title from them if they couldn't make it?)
It bothers me.
The problem with awesomeness sometimes is the lack of scope for things to get better. When everything in life is perfect, when your expectations are almost always met with, the problem of judging creeps in. When your affection is reciprocated, when you know you're an integral part of the group, you start analyzing and passing judgments at the same people.
Your family,they love you more than you love yourself. You owe them all of you, the security,the confidence,the love(the infinite love) and trust, you owe them all of it. You have it because you know they are there, come what may! You can say it, because they are there, and you know it! You disagree, because you know they'll still love,they'll still forgive, they'll completely forget and you have home to come back to, all your life.
So I learn. From my family. From people like Rustic and Vini. When you love each other, forgive and forget. You may disagree,you may disappoint, you may not be there for each other (sometimes),but once you've loved them, love them forever,without analysis, judgments and questions.
And now every time I feel hurt, let down or angry, a voice whispers,
"Esha! Just dont say anything that'll hurt.Sometimes noone's right and noone's wrong. Just don't say anything that'll hurt.Let the moment pass.Please...."
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Wait! There's another option(stuck up and boring),simply maintain "Decorum".
Like Decorum!!!Screw you Decorum! I've chased you like a clingy stalker but you just don't make friends with me.
I end up doing the wrong thing at the wrong place all the time.I've had this weird theory about being "yourself" everywhere, always.Wellll! Now "your-self" might not be appropriate at all the places always,right?
I wish it was otherwise but a voice screams (usually in the form of my Mom or Savvy) , "THAT'S NOT RIGHT!BEHAVE YOURSELF!"
Quivered in anger, vehemence,arrogance and tried to ignore. But dammit! Finally had to succumb to the power of Decorum. Life is easier with "you".
I've religiously followed the popular IST which is actually NOT (never on time) almost all my life till now. Naa Naa..I'm not advocating this evil. I fight with it every morning.But Hell!The NOT bug loves me.BLAH! Visions of me in the late-queue in school,late for lectures in college and now sprinting in that fancy building every morning late for work have started tormenting me. Well bug, either you leave ceremoniously after this announcement(can you hear drum rolls in the background?) or else die a slow painful death.The choice is yours.
There's more to it than just being punctual. O lord! Its a lot more in fact!! Its like re-inventing and re-discovering yourself. I would hate to believe in projections and perceptions.For me, being fake willfully is worse than being gagged and imprisoned. I would rather do some repair work (ouch ouch. Repairs need painful amount of will power) but at least you can hold your head high and shout it out to the world, "That was me THEN! And this is me NOW!With or without you!"
Plugging my head phones between nine to six. Sigh!Its time to say goodbye. (Tears filling my eyes, sniff sniff. I'll miss you at work, music!)
Tilting my head and giggling out aloud at the wrong places. (Bie!I dont thinkI'll miss you. You're anyway passe (:-P)
Looking through obnoxious people as if they didn't exist (Guess we can manage to hold hands for some more time.I like your presence.mmmmmm...hushhh...love it in fact ;-D)
Deco-Rum. I could never have an affair with you.I mean forget about having an affair, we couldn't even have a fling! But I'm determined to get you this November and make this our very own sweet November. Please be mine for life.(I'm down on my knees,I'm begging you please!)
I don't want to have a life that's dol-d-rum without you Mr.Deco-rum!
And for the records, I'm re-discovering and re-inventing myself, Only to be with you!
Welcome to my world, Deco (Hiccup)Rum.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
This letter(which happens to be my favorite post till date) won the editors choice award on Blogjunta.
How does it feel to read this vintage piece? I mean, I wrote it when I was barely 25 ! (Shrugging shoulders)
How do I look now?Hope I'm not fat and Aunty-like. If I look remotely Aunty-types, pull me to the gymn/make me do Yoga/force me to jog,try anything! But make sure you remind me its never too late for repairs, you're never too old to look young and you're never too matured to be a child.
By the way, is D still the same "Ohhhh so hot! " kind of a babe?
Inspired by Friends/Gossip Girls/Sex in the city, you name a popular sitcom and she'd have a shade of some character from it. Why do I feel she might even have this "Don't call me Aunty syndrome" running in her blood as you guys grow up! If she does, DONT listen! Call her Aunty. Her kids call me Aunty, so even my kids call her Aunty. Truce!
And what about Rustic? Does HE let you call him uncle? Or does he prefer some P(hh)unjaabi word? By the way,he was considered super-hot when we were in college. The poor guy never knew his potential.Tch tch! I hope he realises his true potential AT LEAST by the time you both read this.He's innocent,honest and childlike in a very endearing way.If you find any of these shades missing in him, pull his hair and bully him into being himself again.
M aka Inderjeet Singh from Haryaana. By now you'd have figured she's a man in a woman's skin. I wonder if she still has that crazy 'kick some serious ass' sense of humor.I hope she doesn't pretend to be a strict mom to her kids because she was a BRAT when I wrote this. If she tries to be anything like that, make her kids read this and ensure they rebel if she's changed.
I guess sparrow face is still her goofy self. Trying to be all cool and composed but her simple as suppandi side just overpowers her sad attempts! Guess she still listens to her heart over everything else and by now is immune to being influenced by what other's think/do.
What's right for you is specific to you and 'only you' decide what you'll be. Please nod in agreement when I say "You both are unique/comfortable in your own skin/interesting people.
Hope you know all the fun places in the vicinity, have a set of friends to share your happiness with, love music, dance and parties. Hope you're creative, if one of you is a techie or a bookworm, I'm okay with that, create moments for all I care!! But create stuff with colors in it, stuff dreams are made of and make that stuff real.I created a page and feel happy filling it,so doooon't give me that "Mom!practice what you preach" look.
These four people I'm writing about might have changed in all these years.They might have become stuffy,stuck-up,guarded and boring.But you now know how they really are, if any of them has forgotten their awesomeness,make sure you get them on this page again; fun, happy and full of life! The kind of people who walk into a room and brighten it up with their spark for living!
What else? Get us all together and arrange for a wonderful party on my 50th birthday. Remind us we romanticized the heart breaks, glamorized the happiness, inflated our achievements and celebrated at every given chance when we were 25.
If we're still the same,make a dramatic announcement on how we've lived it up, open a champagne bottle, play some good music and raise a toast to us.
In case we've forgotten, reverse roles and teach us to live again!
Mom (At the age of almost 25)
Saturday, September 24, 2011
First of all, you're obnoxiously late in finding me. So that makes you quite a bit of a wrong.
Thanks to your being busy with something, which CANNOT be more important than me, I'm doubted of having a secret affair (What am I starring in? A romantic suspense?)/waiting for someone who'll in the end drop me like a hot potato/ thinking a bit too high of myself/ being insensitive/ being completely unrealistic etc etc.
I don't blame anyone for accusing/ doubting/ being exasperated by me. But YOU! I'm angry with you for taking so much time to find me. And Yes! This dramatic hate letter intends to scare you and prepare you for some serious trouble in the coming months. I'm quite tired in my search and have decided to be a bully when I find you.So here's how you'll make up for being late and making me go through this ordeal of family,uncles-aunty's and random people raising eyebrows at my "status quo",
1) You'll read ALL of my blogs, right from the first day that I started writing here and post a comment on EACH one of it. Just in case you think you can get away by glancing through them, not happening ( Talk to the hand)
2)You will either have to buy me gifts worth four months of your salary or give me a cheque equivalent to that. Yes! Money matters. (Straight face, I'm not kidding)
Vini said she wants a gift too because she had to bear with my search and endless stories about a "you" who's imaginary even now. Get real! Cant sustain this saga too long. There's a family drama full throttle happening in the background, that's a tough one to avoid too long.
3) Once you find me, please arrange for an extra cheesy "Be mine" moment. I like all elements of a Yashraj movie and am not apologetic about it. You'll kind of have to live with it.
4) I will be extremely moody,mean,sarcastic and rude to you for sometime. You're at fault for not being able to trace me in this small world and because of that I've had to look like a fool/snob/bad daughter/wierdo more than once in front of more than one person. So I have already earned the ticket to being a brat with you and you've lost the right to stop me from being one.
5) I'm noting this date because the drama in my life is at its peak right now. If I trace your history into having fun (god save you if there was a chick around) in this phase, I'll make your life pretty miserable. I hope you're whining,sulking,weeping and depressed in some corner of the world. Why should I go through the drama alone?
So, Mr.Right, please get real now.I cant explain a non-existent creature (you just earned that crass title) to people without sounding supremely lame. And ya! Read the list again, I wont compromise, either on you or on the list.
"Oh shit! If Dad finds that inspite of all the warnings I've booked tickets for a second class and this is where I've landed up,I'm so dead!" .
Tap Tap. I felt someone tapping on my shoulder. I turned to see a hideous man asking me to move my bag away from him."Madam, lagta hai aapka bag. Udhar upar rakho"
I felt like punching him with my other hand and throwing him on the upper slot instead. Here I was fighting a battle of wits and weights to move even an inch and this scrawny fellow wanted me to move my bag it seems.
Thankfully the guy flashing his blackberry came to my rescue, " Give me your bag and check your seat number."
Thanks blackberry boy! The hideous man meanwhile kept complaining, "Kya Madam. Udhar jagah hai na.Rakhtey kyun nahi"
"Chai Chai, side side side, chai chai" .
Side? Kidhar side? This is no different from a local train. Chai Waalas don't ever step into a local train. I thought they understand that!! (huh! Blah! Angry! Flustered)
Okay! Enough!I mustered all the energy within, pushed,shoved,nudged,punched and bravely fought my way towards my seat which was "three compartments" away.
Level 1 crossed: Whew! Relief!
This level looks easier, less crowded. I crossed a huge man and his tiny girl-friend/wife with her head on his chest murmuring something.
Romancing in the train!!!! In a normal day,I would have swooned at the sight(thanks to my love for cheesy romance).But today! The frustration in me was at an all time high and noone romances when I'm flustered! Ooops!My bag "accidentally" hit them spoiling the moment.Even before I could bask in sadistic pleasure god gave it back to me as a rugged bunch of paan-chewers jeered,"Madam, yahaan jagah hai. Baith jao!" (Laughter)
Sadistic pleasure replaced by indignant anger.I told myself to ignore and move on.
Level 2 crossed
The final level looks clear. There's hardly anyone here. I guess people had settled in by the time I reached the next compartment and was more than relieved to find a bunch of girls around. Whew! No more hideous men tapping at my shoulder or Paan chewers leching.
As I settled into my seat and felt the wind blowing on my face, the chronicles of the previous compartments turned into stories I couldn't help laughing at.
No wonder India and its jam packed trains are a writers delight!
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Huh???!! I was first startled and looked at her disbelievingly for a few seconds before I found myself nodding in agreement." Okay! If you really want to do this, then we'll do it."
I knew it was madness but still agreed. For one, I just can't say no to this pest and secondly,I believe, when you feel like doing something, dont let anything in the world stop you from doing it!
She would do everything that's not supposed to be done, which is risky, sometimes frightening and most of the times shocking. Comes across as the worlds biggest snob. Happens to be one of the most beautiful human beings I've ever met.
Free spirited and vivacious,with an infectious laughter! That's my laughy for you. :-)
There's this other woman.....
"Dashhhhhuuuuu...oooooooo" And some crazy rhyme to follow it up with whenever she's happy and gay (I still think something was fishy between you and Aunty! tch tch ;-D) .
She has this funny ability to invite trouble wherever she goes. Practices positive thinking vehemently but trouble just loves her!A perfectly normal day and she would slip from the stairs and fall flat on the ground with the next few weeks groaning in pain. Teach the whole hostel during exams and blank out completely while writting the paper. Plan an outing and have a stomach upset just before we step out. Leave for office half an hour before time to beat the traffic and reach two hours late because she takes the wrong route. The best part is, in the middle of all her troubles, you'd find her solving problems for others,helping them and flashing that cute (you would die for smile) to everyone around.
Cute,cuddly and oh so innocent!! That's My Vini for you :-)
These two and times with them are like a different world. A world I can enter and exit at any point of time, irrespective of whether we've spoken for days or months, knowing when I come back, it'll all be the same and I'll have a sea of love and laughter to sail into.
Oh did I miss a common word that can be used for both these characters?Ditchers! They'll plan your birthday in advance and either forget it on "D-Day" or "get stuck somewhere".
But hell! who cares! Two people I love almost the way I love my Frappe.My little Laughy and My Chotu Gai.Who might not always be there with me but have always been there for me. Always smiling, laughing and loving.
This space is all about people,places and things I love, so incomplete without my two specials..
Here's to all those crazy, idiotic, mindless times and endless memories. Love you both!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
I just smiled and knew this day was special. Mom and Dad, I feel so proud to be a part of our family and a greater family, The Democratic Republic of India.
A tide of people came on the streets, the atmosphere reverberated with energy, people joined hands and a peaceful protest got victory! A movement that reflected the power,magnificence and might of people. People with an aim, people with a vision and people with determination. Its been legendary and I feel blessed to experience this sunshine. With this legend, my heart leaps with joy to see the victory of people, the people of India! :)
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
In the middle of a super hectic day ...the only reason I just had to get this out of my system is that some songs just cant let you work in peace....And pages of an amazing journey reopen...:D
"Painting it red" really gets meaning in this journey! A movie, especially a movie that evokes an "Oh wish I could do this someday!" response from most people you know, becomes a delight when you can so completely relate to it! Vacations that keep getting better, friendships that keep growing stronger, fears that keep fading and people who keep evolving!
Those roads, the places,the massages,the pool,the sea,the world beneath,the corals,the wind,the rains, the lights, a world we'd not even heard of before and limits we'd never imagined we'd cross! From the sands of Goa with hardly Rs.5000 to the land of Thai's with *USD 5000(minus 4500 :D), its been a bag full of so many beautiful moments. Somehow the bag grows bigger every time we reach the brink, Magical! :)
Red means more than love ;-) Paradise means more than Shopping ;-) and Getting high has nothing to do with alcohol! :-)
Before too many words dilute the meaning of this high, let me get back to work, with the sound of this awesome track and pictures of my awesome people+ moments floating behind the covers....:)
"Take the world and Paint it red......"
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
It was a beautiful evening as we passed by the sea face talking about the magic of Mumbai. Inspite of its dirt,drainage,traffic jams,pollution and over-population; the city makes you fall in love with it over and over again. I'd been wondering what electrifies this city to a degree that you can feel the vibes as soon as you enter its roads.
In the middle of fear and shock, I got my answer yesterday.Mumbai! Amidst these serial attacks by a bunch of frustrated losers,beyond the pain and loss, you again emerged a winner. Your never say die spirit shone through cameras and real time.Despite consistent attacks of terror, you've flourished, untouched by fear. The terrorists look so small in front of the common man of Mumbai! Its been years of attempts and Mumbai keeps growing stronger.
The losses we suffered cannot be compensated by words,rage or hatred, but the hope for a more secure India grows profound with this incident.Respect and pride for the spirit of Mumbai grows manifold with this incident.To every person who got into local trains maybe with a flicker of fear but oodles of strength,walked into the streets with their head held high,tried pacifying the unrest yesterday to enliven the city with greater energy and strength today. Saluting the brave people of Mumbai. You're the pride of India and truly define spirit!
Monday, July 11, 2011
This chapter,this journey,this feeling has so much to be put into words and so much more that goes beyond what words can ever describe.
A leap across so many boundaries, euphoria that can only be felt and maybe never described!
Life gives a choice at every stage,every choice takes you to a new pedestal and every pedestal opens up scope for something more beautiful than before!
Raw and crazy,exotic and idiotic,stark and subtle,sleazy and amusing! The place had it all! From dirty confessions to comforting realizations! From frilly girls to badmaash boys! We did it all!
An experience that completed a transition, an experience that took us to the other end of the interlude, an experience that turned a talked about dream into reality!An ode to these liberating moments and many more that are quietly smiling and waiting down the line for us to breathe life into them :-)
Before too many words dilute its meaning, I want to float into that beautiful zone alive with the sound of my favorite track and pictures of love and life swirling around :-)
hmmmmmm.....Its always better when we're together.....hmmmmmm....Somewhere in between together.....hmmmmm...........:-)
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Such times make you appreciate and love the journey, times which make you realise that creating these moments is a gift in itself,the road to a dream is as beautiful as living the dream!
Its like making your favorite curry with a pinch of everything you love; the spices, the flavours, the ingredients and perhaps even the ambience of the place where you prepare it! The curry wouldnt be half as nice if it wasnt the process you enjoyed as much!
Life is just like that curry. Dream moments wont be half as wonderful if the journey wasnt complimented by myriad emotions; stirring,quietening,rising and mellowing! :-)
And so the road ahead,towards and beyond this milestone.....bliss!:-)
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
What is love without a fear? Nothing but nothingness........
What is real without a fake? Nothing but nothingness....
What is smile without a tear? Nothing but nothingness.....
What is something without a nothing? Nothing but nothingness....
What is life without choices to make? Nothing but nothingness...
What is companionship without loneliness? Nothing but nothingness...
What is loyalty without a cheat? Nothing but nothingness....
What is peace without uneasiness? Nothing but nothingness...
What is honesty without deceit?Nothing but nothingness....
What is strength without a weakness? Nothing but nothingness...
What is something without a nothing? Nothing but nothingness......
What is life without choices to make? Nothing but nothingness......
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Madhusha : Ahaaaan!! You've been real active since I've read the conversations with god.I can feel you stirring and quitening every now and then lately. Whats the deal little soul? :)
Soul : Uhh! you think you're funny ?? Woman! Now you'll be that book for years and be sure that its a wonderfull thing that happened to you.And hell yes! It is a wonderful thing that happened to you. But can you hear me??? I mean, are you really listening to ME?
Madhusha: Excuse me!! I thought we're friends..Which implies I listen and talk to you.
Soul: Excuse ME! We're one! You are all about me and I'm all about you.You talk to me because you LOVE talking, talking endlessly, you talk to me when there's noone else to talk to . Thats mean and unfair ( to yourself by the way). I deserve more time, you deserve more time.
Madhusha: Arrey! But you make me do crazy stuff! Like! My sister's been teasing me about the gen next leader thing for a while now. I feel like a bit of a rebel at times. Hell!! People think I'm naive....Ok yeah! I am a little naive I guess....but still...letting you be you is a tough job baby! You know! You can be inappropriate sometimes.
Soul: Come on! Dont you just love being that............
Falling and hurting yourself, Then watching the scars fade away.......................
Having questions and searching for answers. Finding them unfold slowly.........
Searching for a great book to read for years and then finding one that answers so many of your questions.........
And before those questions are answered completely, finding a new set of questions to delve upon......
Looking at the sky above and see the clouds floating. Knowing I can take you there and let you float with them for hours before you come home....
Doing endless research on soulmates and knowing theres an answer waiting for you somewhere down the line....
Looking around the greenery and knowing this beauty is here to last forever....
Dodging , avoiding, skipping, punching, pushing, squashing problems before you finally look straight through them and know its all in your head!
Knowing you're all about me and its always better when we're together....hmmmmmmm....its always better when we're together.....somewherwhere in between together...
Madhusha: Excuse me! Stop! Whats with singing this song suddenly. You're wierd. incoherent. huh!
Soul: Excuse ME! Dont you do this.... like... so so many times in the middle of an intense discussion?
Madhusha: Oh ya! I do! I'm sure its you playing tricks! People must be thinking I'm crazy. Thats why you're inappropriate.
Soul: But doesnt that more often than not, make the conversation lighter....doesnt it sort things out of nowhere....
Soul: Hmmmmm....Finally :)
Madhusha: Soul..... I feel sleepy talking to you. Is it because you're boring?
Soul: Ummm....no maybe because you know I dont judge you......and you feel at peace with me....maybe I give you inner peace :)
Madhusha: Yaa....Could be.... inner peace...heheheh....yawwwwwwwwwwn!! Hearing you speak is like a lullaby....:) I think I love you...We'll talk about setting you free again....But then thanks for letting me finally have the courage to speak my mind, say the truth even if its a little uncomfortable intitially, in the long run truth helps...really helps, you help, you're actually the real me, I really dont feel scared when I'm you...you are synonymous to truth ...and love ....but I need to keep reminding myself that you're me and I'm you...thats a little tough...everyone around me has random ideas....I feel uneasy in the middle of those opinions....but you've found me a lot of like minded friends also...so you obviously are doing your bit....actually you're right...i can maybe set you free and let you be you....and be me....we're actually better together :)
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Right from days of nescafe :) to talking endlessly about everything under the sun, studying together, fighting, making up and just being there,unconditionally........
Growing together and knowing how it is to grow together. Blessed are people who experience that. When I introspect, you truly make me believe.
I have very slowly and subtly realised that some of my defining moments in life had you and continue having you. Sometimes hurting me, sometimes protecting me, sometimes scaring me and sometimes helping me get over fear.
Friendships that last and last through so much turmoil, yet with such beauty that the word faith gets a new meaning to itself.
Thanks for being my faith in times of doubt, my strength when I feel weak, my company when I'm lonely, my punch bag when I'm angry, my guide when I'm lost, my comedy store when I'm bored and my friend at every tick of the clock.
Everytime life puts a question mark on friendships, our relationship gives me solace. It took me years to understand this, the strength of an individual comes from their peaceful quititude, their unwavering presence and their infinite love. And the strength of a relationship comes from the strength of the individuals involved.
I write this with the deepest part of my soul believing the strength of this friendship and its sanctity. God bless you for being the person you are and continuing to strengthen my belief in friendship.May this grow till the end of time......
"There are people who breeze through your life,
And then there are those who give meaning to it.........
This one's for a friend who's been there without questions, without conditons and without expectations.Its almost like reading pages from a best seller, but then I believe its such people who give meaning even to those best sellers......
Saturday, April 23, 2011
We practise the exact opposite of this in real life.We're impatient and unkind. We envy, we boast,we're proud. We're self seeking, easily angered, and keep a record of wrong things. We delight in evil and are too blinded to see the truth. We hurt, we never trust, we never hope, we never persevere.We fail and continue failing.
Every piece of loving advice from parents makes us impatient and we retort with horrendous unkind diatribes. Love and attention makes us boastful and proud(remember the last time you felt thankful for the attention someone gave you?). We are self -seeking, the slightest of bruise to our ego angers us and the records of wrong things burden us till we become stagnant.
I'm afraid I've never loved anyone unconditionally in the 24 years of my life. How many of us have? I'd been feeling a strange unrest, a bit too often lately.I knew I had questions, but wasn't able to comprehend them.It wasn't the answer but questions that I was looking for. And just when I'd given up,exhausted of searching,exhausted of thinking and explaining, I found them in these lines.
Like someone once commented, We shall overcome....!
We'll accept love and ourselves. We'll accept ourselves and love. The journey ahead....peace!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
"What are you doing!!! Note this number and give a missed call on it. Have you blogged about the the Jan Lokpal Bill??? We have to support Anna Hazare's crusade against corruption!!!"
I woke up startled. Was that really my Dad calling!!!! Since the earliest of my memories, such conversations have always had me advocating social service and causes with Dad giving me the "Do as you wish look!"
My facebook home page, blackberry messenger, message box, mail box, its everywhere! The Jan Lokpal Bill. Is it the answer to one of the biggest deterrents of our nations growth : Corruption?
Although it seems ironical to have a committee of people that would be a watchdog to the "government chosen by the people, of the people and for the people" only time can answer this big question. In spite of the questions it poses, if the bill wipes off the dirt in our system, Kudos!
The strength of a mans character, power of masses and the awakening of people's conscience. The phenomena was triumphatic!
Every individual who contributed to Hazare's fight for this noble cause added to the beginning of a glorious era.An era of hopes, truth and freedom. The success and might of this bill is a question mark in my head, but the success and might of each mans soul who contributed to its acceptance, who percieve this to be the path to a better India is an answer to my hopes.
Dad. In my eyes anything that you support is worth millions of voices. A man who inspired you, inspired thousands of others and brought about this revolution, is a legend. And with this legend, my heart leaps with joy to see the victory of people, the people of India! :)
Monday, April 4, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
That familiar tune. I felt being hurled back into a moment years back when this tune played in my room. That familiar tune.......
Music can make you fall in love.Music can make you fall in love again. Music can make you smile.Music can make you smile again. Music can make moments beautiful. Music can make moments beautiful again. Music can make moments in time. Music can take you back to moments in time at any point in time.Music can move you to tears. Music can move away your tears.Music can touch your soul.Music can touch your soul again and again...
Is it office or a lounge? Is it my room or a club? Is it a club or the middle of an infinite galaxy? Is it me or me years back? Is it me or me years ahead?
Music can travel through time at the blink of an eye and carry you along with it, music can touch every part of you and breathe life into you at the worst of times, Music can drown the world and take you with that tide to a different world. Music can do this and so much more.
Those little musical notes dancing across the room, I want to ride on them and sail along.... till that tune becomes yet another familiar tune....
Monday, February 28, 2011
I've seen people change, I've seen situations change and I've seen feelings change!
But I feel truly blessed to see lives change and change so beautifully that all those fairy tales suddenly become believable again!
When you're happy from within it shows on your face :)
She looks more beautiful than ever before and adds beauty to every place and situation like never before! A beauty so contagious and refreshing! Its almost like showers of blessings from above.She says its love :) I say its a lot like love :)
I was always too scared, maybe intimidated or just shy to write about it.Come on!Love is an emotion that needs to be locked in the private chambers of your heart,not to be discussed even with yourself! But something as wonderful and miraculous as love, deserves a lot more space than a little chamber to suffocate in.
Love! Always wished it was more than what I saw in movies and wow!A wish came true! :)
I see her holding his hand and chirp away like a little girl with nothing to worry about, do crazy things with a certainty that he'd catch her if she stumbles, spread joy like there's enough to last beyond a lifetime and dream with a belief that tomorrow would make it all come true! :)
I didn't know someone can brighten your life with such intensity that it shines through everyone around you till I saw her. Someone can bring peace into your life in such a way that the serenity becomes palpable.She says its love :) I say its a lot like love :)
Every time my faith waivers, I look at her and find it illuminating my world again.
For everyone who's given me a reason to smile, feel secured,cared for and blessed, there's been a common thread binding us...and that thread I believe...Is a lot like Love :)
That thread I believe has made me strong enough to wait for the right moment,right person and right emotion...That thread has given me enough reasons to look through every seemingly miserable situation and walk right through it with a belief in magic moments :)
Its cheesy, its soppy and very very filmy. Yet I look at her and know its a wish come true. I look at her and thank god a million times for this picture. I look at her and the cheesiest side of me wants to shout out to the world.....She says its love....and I wish its love and a lot like love and lot more like love and more of LoVe :)
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Those wonderful girls.
And then this transition to womanhood. Its confusing, intimidating and challenging. They know they're losing strength and need to compose themselves. When did these strong girls turn into weak vulnerable women? We falter, we mess up, we clear it, we fall, we rise, we make mistakes, we learn,at the end we come out as stronger women.
Wanting to be loved is always an instinct, but when did it become a need? Is it pressure? Is it fear? Is it a void?It breaks my heart to see us all crumbling under pressure. Instead of getting a grip of situations, lets get a grip on ourselves.
Its not just us, its every girl in this world who is going through this transition. We're all confused and vulnerable. And we're all struggling. Some of us are giving in, some of us are in denial, some are painting rosy pictures, some of us are compromising and others who've just lost themselves to avoid the misery of walking into unknown territories.
Its awkward to accept a weakness, but lets accept it anyway. If we make it through this phase and come out stronger, the battles half won! Lets not give in and give up, lets keep that girl in us alive, that girl who wasn't afraid to dream, who believed in miracles, who believed in love and all the beautiful moments that are fading away in this interlude.
Friday, January 7, 2011
I write assuming every person in this world can love unconditionally and truly when they're devoid of the effects of public opinion. Its opinions that tamper your basic love for people, things, places and activities. Opinions often shred the most beautiful relationships into confused pieces of nothingness, opinions often sublimate the most passionate desires into lousy habits and opinions often erase colors from the most vibrant sights.
I write with my faith in the spirit of humanity. Its above every relationship. Its above every opinion and assumption. Everytime the world prays for peace, every time people light candles to signify theres hope and everytime masses come together to light up the darkness around, the spirit of humanity wins.
As I write I hope that time strengthens my basic love for people, things, places and activities.As I write I hope to believe in the simplest side of everything and everyone. And as I write I hope to celebrate the spirit of humanity all my life.