Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Just Dont say anything that'll hurt....

"Esha! Just dont say anything that'll hurt.Sometimes noone's right and noone's wrong. Just don't say anything that'll hurt.Let the moment pass.Please...."

We analyze, question,judge and keep judging people all our life, and in the end ...(It doesn't even matter,LP style,for the records :p).Sometimes for our own sake,sometimes for the sake of others and at other times just for the sake of it!

Sake.Dammit!

The other day I told M, "You know what? If only we learn to forgive and let go the way Vini and Rustic do, we'd be so much happier. They really give meaning to "forgive and forget".
Yesterday I roped him in for a plan and asked him to invite someone else also before disappearing for 3 hours.Rustic sulked for exactly ten minutes (or was it lesser?) over my behavior and then completely forgot about it. If it was any of us (in fact most people I know) ,we would have held on to it and sulked for hours (or days?:-o). How can anyone behave like this,right??? You can't just make plans and then go absconding!" .
M agreed," We would have made a bigger deal out of it surely. Ego issue precisely."

As for Vini. She has forgiven and forgotten in more ways and more times than I can remember. All I can say is I love her more than ever now.

The point is, do family,friends and relatives, need to prove their loyalty and love all their life? Is it so hard to accept that there would be times when we'd disagree, times when we can't be there for each other, times when they can't make it for a big day ( Maybe your wedding. I dread not having some people by my side that day, but "what if" !!! Will I strip off the "close" title from them if they couldn't make it?)

It bothers me.

Expectations.Ego.Fear. Dammit!

The problem with awesomeness sometimes is the lack of scope for things to get better. When everything in life is perfect, when your expectations are almost always met with, the problem of judging creeps in. When your affection is reciprocated, when you know you're an integral part of the group, you start analyzing and passing judgments at the same people.

Your family,they love you more than you love yourself. You owe them all of you, the security,the confidence,the love(the infinite love) and trust, you owe them all of it. You have it because you know they are there, come what may! You can say it, because they are there, and you know it! You disagree, because you know they'll still love,they'll still forgive, they'll completely forget and you have home to come back to, all your life.

So I learn. From my family. From people like Rustic and Vini. When you love each other, forgive and forget. You may disagree,you may disappoint, you may not be there for each other (sometimes),but once you've loved them, love them forever,without analysis, judgments and questions.

And now every time I feel hurt, let down or angry, a voice whispers,

"Esha! Just dont say anything that'll hurt.Sometimes noone's right and noone's wrong. Just don't say anything that'll hurt.Let the moment pass.Please...."

Saturday, October 15, 2011

DeCo(hiccup)Rum

The world's all about projections. About how you're "perceived". Project yourself the right way and you're the man. "Act" keeping in mind how you're judged,and life would be easy.
Wait! There's another option(stuck up and boring),simply maintain "Decorum".

Like Decorum!!!Screw you Decorum! I've chased you like a clingy stalker but you just don't make friends with me.

I end up doing the wrong thing at the wrong place all the time.I've had this weird theory about being "yourself" everywhere, always.Wellll! Now "your-self" might not be appropriate at all the places always,right?
I wish it was otherwise but a voice screams (usually in the form of my Mom or Savvy) , "THAT'S NOT RIGHT!BEHAVE YOURSELF!"

Quivered in anger, vehemence,arrogance and tried to ignore. But dammit! Finally had to succumb to the power of Decorum. Life is easier with "you".

I've religiously followed the popular IST which is actually NOT (never on time) almost all my life till now. Naa Naa..I'm not advocating this evil. I fight with it every morning.But Hell!The NOT bug loves me.BLAH! Visions of me in the late-queue in school,late for lectures in college and now sprinting in that fancy building every morning late for work have started tormenting me. Well bug, either you leave ceremoniously after this announcement(can you hear drum rolls in the background?) or else die a slow painful death.The choice is yours.

There's more to it than just being punctual. O lord! Its a lot more in fact!! Its like re-inventing and re-discovering yourself. I would hate to believe in projections and perceptions.For me, being fake willfully is worse than being gagged and imprisoned. I would rather do some repair work (ouch ouch. Repairs need painful amount of will power) but at least you can hold your head high and shout it out to the world, "That was me THEN! And this is me NOW!With or without you!"
Plugging my head phones between nine to six. Sigh!Its time to say goodbye. (Tears filling my eyes, sniff sniff. I'll miss you at work, music!)
Tilting my head and giggling out aloud at the wrong places. (Bie!I dont thinkI'll miss you. You're anyway passe (:-P)
Looking through obnoxious people as if they didn't exist (Guess we can manage to hold hands for some more time.I like your presence.mmmmmm...hushhh...love it in fact ;-D)

Well Well!

Deco-Rum. I could never have an affair with you.I mean forget about having an affair, we couldn't even have a fling! But I'm determined to get you this November and make this our very own sweet November. Please be mine for life.(I'm down on my knees,I'm begging you please!)

I don't want to have a life that's dol-d-rum without you Mr.Deco-rum!

And for the records, I'm re-discovering and re-inventing myself, Only to be with you!

Welcome to my world, Deco (Hiccup)Rum.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Love, Mom (At the age of almost 25)


This letter(which happens to be my favorite post till date) won the editors choice award on Blogjunta.

Hey Both!

How does it feel to read this vintage piece? I mean, I wrote it when I was barely 25 ! (Shrugging shoulders)

How do I look now?Hope I'm not fat and Aunty-like. If I look remotely Aunty-types, pull me to the gymn/make me do Yoga/force me to jog,try anything! But make sure you remind me its never too late for repairs, you're never too old to look young and you're never too matured to be a child.
By the way, is D still the same "Ohhhh so hot! " kind of a babe?
Inspired by Friends/Gossip Girls/Sex in the city, you name a popular sitcom and she'd have a shade of some character from it. Why do I feel she might even have this "Don't call me Aunty syndrome" running in her blood as you guys grow up! If she does, DONT listen! Call her Aunty. Her kids call me Aunty, so even my kids call her Aunty. Truce!

And what about Rustic? Does HE let you call him uncle? Or does he prefer some P(hh)unjaabi word? By the way,he was considered super-hot when we were in college. The poor guy never knew his potential.Tch tch! I hope he realises his true potential AT LEAST by the time you both read this.He's innocent,honest and childlike in a very endearing way.If you find any of these shades missing in him, pull his hair and bully him into being himself again.

M aka Inderjeet Singh from Haryaana. By now you'd have figured she's a man in a woman's skin. I wonder if she still has that crazy 'kick some serious ass' sense of humor.I hope she doesn't pretend to be a strict mom to her kids because she was a BRAT when I wrote this. If she tries to be anything like that, make her kids read this and ensure they rebel if she's changed.

I guess sparrow face is still her goofy self. Trying to be all cool and composed but her simple as suppandi side just overpowers her sad attempts! Guess she still listens to her heart over everything else and by now is immune to being influenced by what other's think/do.
What's right for you is specific to you and 'only you' decide what you'll be. Please nod in agreement when I say "You both are unique/comfortable in your own skin/interesting people.
Hope you know all the fun places in the vicinity, have a set of friends to share your happiness with, love music, dance and parties. Hope you're creative, if one of you is a techie or a bookworm, I'm okay with that, create moments for all I care!! But create stuff with colors in it, stuff dreams are made of and make that stuff real.I created a page and feel happy filling it,so doooon't give me that "Mom!practice what you preach" look.

These four people I'm writing about might have changed in all these years.They might have become stuffy,stuck-up,guarded and boring.But you now know how they really are, if any of them has forgotten their awesomeness,make sure you get them on this page again; fun, happy and full of life! The kind of people who walk into a room and brighten it up with their spark for living!

What else? Get us all together and arrange for a wonderful party on my 50th birthday. Remind us we romanticized the heart breaks, glamorized the happiness, inflated our achievements and celebrated at every given chance when we were 25.

If we're still the same,make a dramatic announcement on how we've lived it up, open a champagne bottle, play some good music and raise a toast to us.

In case we've forgotten, reverse roles and teach us to live again!

Love,

Mom (At the age of almost 25)