Thursday, December 29, 2011

Plisssssssss......Don't make me feel so old, I'm just 24 (sob sob)

Phew! Mom again hung up on me with her usual ranting on how all girls are "settling down" (yaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwn) and while everyone will live happily ever after, poor me will hold wedding gowns and be the bridesmaid in every wedding as people get hitched. (27 dresses sorts) (On second thoughts,if Mr.Right is as hot as the one in 27 dresses, then drooooooool, who minds being the damsel in distress for sometime!)

While I sulk about Mr.Right being an idiot of the highest order, I confess, my otherwise awesome family becomes unnervingly seriousssss when it comes to marriage. They turn into characters from Saas-Bahu serials where women have flaring noses when angry and suddenly go teary the next minute AND suddenly go normal AND suddenly go emotional and blah blah. Its not just them, its a #sociopedemic#(:p)

SO. I feel like hurling stones and abuses at the cruel Indian society for devising a trend where girls feel centenarian before time. While I'd like to be my age, youthful,carefree and plain awesome,"Well-wishers-with-experience" appear making me feel like an "Oh-my-god-24-plus-year-old" aunty,ehhh,girl i mean.

People,I mean well-wishers-with-experience,"I know that Life mein compromise karna padta hai", but its unfair to make me feel like a creaky, aging-at-the-speed-of-light-aunty, ALREADY!" In my head, I feel monumental sometimes. You ask my age, and pat I might go, 50!!!!! (sniff)

My otherwise progressive, uber-cool-chic-Mom, turns into Jaya Bacchhan from K3G when it comes to marriage, "Keh diya, Bas Keh Diya" ,talk to the hand gesture and then bangs the phone! Ehh.....Excuse me?
My sister. Very modern and free hai jee. BUT. Her breezy youthful mind turns doddery as soon as it detects the word 'marriage'. THERE, my gorgeous idol,just changed her team!(sniff sniff)

Now,now.I louuuveeee all the attention you give me and get me (wink) but then come-onnnn, I deserve to feel youthful(with-time-on-my-side) for some more time,No?? Maybe;just a thought, but maybe, I ACTUALLY turn into a big-time columnist. Come-onnn, now don't say, marry a rich guy and write a column for a magazine that's circulated within 100 people.Ok if he's THAT rich and smart, maybe 1000.Ok 2000.That's it!

The point being, a 24 year old,is meant to blow her earnings shopping, buy a 'car that turns junk in a year', party till wee hours, travel to her hearts fullest,have crazy over-the-top dreams and fall in love with the right guy *without any compulsion*(Tall-guy-short-girl romance,love at first sight, I'll give up anything for you kinds, ahhaaann,now THAT's my story!)
No arranged fraaaandships turned into love-ships please.Only love-ship, 'at first sight preferably'.

Now,Mr.Right and I will obviously meet very soon, and it'll click. But what if I've already turned into a '24-yet-over-the-hill" kind-of-a woman by the time we meet? I'll talk about life and beyond with him?My future career plans.Would you like to do frandship,pleeejjhh?? I can even cook.What am I best at? Maggi.AND YOU????! Dammit.

Tricky tricky.

This great Indian marriage saga has been going on for a while now.(aaarghhh) So long, that I now conk off the minute the tune starts.

Oh! By the way! Is it true that once your Dad retires, your desirable-o-meter goes down???Lmao! I might die laughing at this one. WHO are these men and families? Who thinks in these lines? I would like to give them the "archaic-sissy-men-who-deserve-a-kick-on-their-butt"award and also write a letter to god requesting for vamp-type brides for them.

My other letter?? Would be to cupid.Begging him to design my dhinchak filmy moment asap,with masaala-but-no-drama torrid affair followed by parents giving blessings "like karan johar movies" , friends throwing "hollywood chick-flick type pre-marriage party" and of course well-wishers c'O'mmenting on how beautiphoool our kids would look.

But till that happens, plisssss,plissssssss,pliiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssssss,Don't make me feel so old!!!I'm just 24 (sob sob)

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Liberated!

I write more than I ever have in years, almost the way I scribbled endlessly into my personal diary back in school, it gave me solace, like I was talking to a friend. Now, when I blog, its some kind of an exhilarating experience, it gives me the freedom to fcking shout out anything I want into infinity, its just so liberating!
Sometimes you know you're taking a bloody risk, maybe a useless risk that you'd regret, but just wanna do it. I remember seeing those two heads popping near that boat in the middle of the sea and knew I just HAD to swim there, to that boat, if even ONE person in this universe can reach there,then so can I, period, PERIOD. I'm no ace of a swimmer but then I guess swimming is the only sport to my credit. The waves were up against me, I like to believe that the sea is my best friend but Dammit! You know better. I anyway kept swimming towards the boat. I just HAD to reach there, I fcking had no clue why. It was plain rebellion. Plain defiance.It was plain breaking of boundaries. THAT ONE MOMENT. I just knew I HAD to reach there.
As I neared the boat, my breath got heavy and I knew I was fighting against waves that were wayyy too stronger than me,I'm hardly a swimmer anyway. By the time I reached it, I had almost given up hope, but what the hell! I reached!! To be honest, I was scared, for some reason I was freaking scared of that moment when I thought I'd lost my strength.
Those two heads who'd inspired me to reach there were chatting and laughing away to glory as I reached the boat. Whew! It gave me some comfort to find them there. As I got on top of the plank. Whoa!It was pure bliss. The waves bobbling the plank and me with it, the wind against my being,the freaking vastness of water all around. As I looked at the shore and back into the sea, I could feel myriad emotions stirring inside, scaring me, titillating me,playing with me, but what dominated them all was that feeling of having reached here, LIBERATED, LIEBRATED,LIBERATED.
I took help from those two strangers and swam back with them feeling safe having companions now. The High Five on reaching shore was worth it! Yes Baby! So worth it!
The bug in me, the bitch in me, the brat in me,the lover in me, looked back into the sea and shouted out, YOU! THIS time we're not looking at each other from the face. This time, I got you, this time, I got you BabY!

Friday, December 23, 2011

This Christmas,Get filmy,Get Real...

"If life was a bloody fairytale everyone would be living in castles,Get REAL."
I've heard this more often than I'd like to and it has left me disillusioned more times than I'd like to have been affected by it.But Now. Finally. God has whirled me in the middle of events where dreams turn into an absolute reality and there are hopes galore. Took time but here I am......

I'm not a topper, have never been, was always above average in school,average in college and kind of poor in MBA. I look manageable cute types. Beauty lies skin deep, I always believed, still do. But my body is my temple, I NOW know, it needs to be worshiped and taken care of like a little baby, that's the only thing god truly gave me, the only thing that's truly mine, at least for the moment.Self-obsession? Maybe.

I dream, dream so much that sometimes it turns real. Like time stops and I start living the dream.I had this vision,this place in my head,since very very long.And one day, that EXACT place in my head, the EXACT SAME PLACE,appeared in front of me. I clutched Dee's arm and screeched, "Dee,THAT is the exact place where I wanted to celebrate my big day!" If this isn't magic, then what is? I wanted to scream out to the world that one moment, STOP BEING AFRAID. Dream , dream, dream. Dream big. Dream small.Dream of everything you want.

Realities get moulded out of these dreams, goddamit!Don't listen to those who ask you to get real because life throws stones at you. It will, it has and it will continue to.You have flaws, I have flaws, life has flaws, just like us. Love it and love everything it has to offer, WITH ITS FLAWS.
If only, they knew how to live, how to love, how to want, how to crave,crave with that undying thirst to get more and feel orgasmic pleasure every time a wish came true, they would have been living! Not asked you to stop living!

Isnt it magical to feel euphoric? When you feel like you're carving something so damn fantastic that "you tomorrow" would love "you today" every minute for it? Be fair to yourself. You owe it to you.

Mundane or exciting.Happy or sorrowful. Calm or stormy.Life is filmy either way.You just choose to either fill pages with colors and discoveries or paint it grey accepting boredom and mediocrity as it comes.The happy pictures aren't fantasy. They're a facet. I believe and believe out of experience. Not because shit doesn't happen to me. It happens all the time. But the grey just DOES'NT stand a chance in front of colors for too long.

Every time I observe, I know there are people around me doing wonders,who have knowingly/unknowingly awakened that sleeping side which was waiting to be touched again and this time not get sedated by pitfalls.

They inspire me to again get filmy, to let that zest ooze out from every fibre of my being.Being an optimist has never hurt anyone, lust for the sweetness of that moment you maybe saw in a video,read in a book or just visualized in your head.But lust for it with an intensity that nothing mellows you from being alive.
Get filmy,Get Real. Because reality is all about creating moments and films are nothing but the ultimate portrayal of human creativity on celluloid.....

Saturday, December 10, 2011

We never came alone and we'll never really know if we leave alone.....

A friend has been plagued by self-doubt lately.One of the most jovial people I knew back in college, always surrounded by a bunch of ardent listeners who'd crack up at every line he spoke.Someone almost always seen in a group and may I add seemed to be the heart of it.The same person today, has been rejecting himself and seems to be on the verge of slipping out of his character stealthily as if the past was a cameo role he'd played. It started with a break up for him which grew into some weird depressing aura that extends to everyone now.
I haughtily wanted to roll eyes at that but he put it across with such sincerity that it got me thinking instead.

“We come into the world alone and leave it alone yet seek companionship,Why?"

We come alone and leave it alone. The next time someone says this, twist their arm(Get violent with the rumor monger)! The belief in this immensely popular statement needs a brain-check. REALLY!
Right from conception, we've been intimately connected to our Mother (physically and emotionally), left the ethereal womb only to be in the safe havens of a doctor’s arms. We have needed intimacy (and I'm not talking about only sexual intimacy) to ameliorate since birth.
As you grow older, the physical shore-up might not be necessary but emotionally, we ALL need support,closeness, comfort and warmth, that familiar feeling of "belonging" to be wholesome and to experience the grandest version of "ourselves".

I feel disheartened to see that friend losing faith in camaraderie and thinking he's someone no-one can really like, once he starts being himself,that is. He pretty much seems to be heading the Devdas path (rolling eyes), the sorts who stop believing in people completely and think LP way is the way the way to be! I could almost hear Numb playing in the background, " I'm tired of being what you want me to be .........bleh bleh bleh....All I want to be is be more like me and be less like you...bleh bleh bleh" (Oh! I think its a great track by the way. Just for the records)

Relationships are like elixir, they can touch and heal us in the worst of our times, we need them to blossom and our individuality is accentuated by them. It’s cruel to be ungrateful and aloof towards people who value us. But it’s even more cruel (to yourself) to brood over what didn't click and people who don't don't value you. Sometimes wonderful people can make us restless, it’s maybe the role they’re playing at that point of time, which doesn't fit into the big picture. I’ve felt angry with certain people at some point of time and adored the same people at other times in a different role. It’s just the role and timing, dammit! Don’t discard the magic of amity because of some delusional claptrap in past.

While I love staring into the horizon ‘alone’ most of the times, while “me-time” is almost like a truss that holds me from gloaming, I understand and accept that some things are beyond ‘me’. Its awe-so-‘me’ to be a strong individual but loony to disregard the beauty of companionship, life can never be experienced to its fullest without somebody close enough to hear that whisper, catch that tear, consume that smile and dream your dream.

We intuitively need that connection, familiarity, love and respect to flourish.

We seek companionship because the fact is ‘we never came alone and we’ll never really know if we leave alone…….’