Thursday, December 20, 2012

On being the fairer sex

Its been really long that something made me cringe and feel so sick in the stomach that even thinking about it became an ordeal. Forget me, every woman in the country is traumatized and numbed by the animalistic mayhem narrated in the Delhi rape case. Even as I write there’s this weird sensation in my entire body, a mix of disgust, fear, anger and sadly helplessness. What have they done to the girl? How could someone be so brutal? Misuse of strength and power to a degree that makes me want to puke.
I’ve always felt proud to be a woman. I love being silly sometimes, mature at other times. I love the feeling of being taken care of by my father, cousins and friends. I love basking in the power of my intuition and conviction. I love building my life and success around intangible concepts like love and faith. I love being a woman. W.O.M.A.N
However, a couple of incidents have left me deeply disturbed and with time the collective nature of India as a nation leaves a lingering doubt in my head over the fortune of being born as a woman in this country.
Shockingly,we still have dowry culture in some nooks. Questions on character are ceremonial. Filthy comments are an accepted norm. Sexual harassment is a regular affair.
Makes me wonder where are the real men?  Men who have the guts to stand up for a stranger being harassed in public? Men who can gracefully accept women counterparts at workplace as healthy competition?  Those who have strength to stand up and question their family against dowry(Asking for customary gifts and arrangements also qualifies for dowry, by the way. Icing the cake doesn't make you any less timid.)
Where are the one's who command respect. The one’s we’d endearingly embrace as the stronger sex?
We’re made weaker physically by nature and there’s nothing wrong in that. We’re probably made this way to ensure our bond with you grows stronger with respect for our differences.
However, in this country called India, where women are just an object of lust, no wonder being virgin is the measure of a girl’s character over lies and malice. A country where principles are an accepted myth, no wonder being raped every minute- of your dreams, confidence and in extremely unfortunate cases existence is no big a deal.
A girl battling for life is what took this nation to reach its threshold and for once I’m surprised to see an equal outrage amongst men against this heinous crime.
I just hope this fury extrapolates deeply into the muzzled psyche of our people and gives them enough courage to ACT. To DO something about this garbage. To start with, pray it culminates respect for women with all their intangible strengths and attributes because the soul of a society is determined by the way it treats its women.

Also,we're physically weaker but this incident is a glaring example of a woman's inner strength, a woman who's battling for life with an undying will to live despite insurmountable mental and physical trauma.And No Experienced Generation- This is not esoteric.This is an ordinary girl setting an extraordinary practical example.A victim is turning into a blazing inspiration, mighty example and epitome of strength. Its not pity but a feeling of deep respect I feel for this girl who's changing the face of this degrading nation- by her sheer inner strength.

God bless her. For restoring my pride in being the fairer sex.


Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Real or unreal reality
Conflating, Bamboozles- gives me peace, yet!
Ironical, strange, bizarre, intense!
Overcome it.

Dark yet so vulnerable,
Imagination or reality,
Mind games or games of mind,
Seized, dragged, smitten
Dismantling into a million pieces,
Falling back into shape again,
Bizarre bizarre bizarre.

Love? Soul? Inseparable? Imagination? Intense? Indefinable? Lies? Shadows? Play?
Where? What? When? Why?
Tear and integrate. Stop, no not yet.
Play . Games? Still feels real?
Vulnerable. An arm away.
Passion melts into serenity, childlike love.
Fear, no. Grasp,yes. Clutch, leave no space to breath.
Momentum builds, blood rush, peace, uncanny peace.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012


You say this state is white and pure,
A holy shroud of which you're so sure,
A body without a soul so dark,
Calling yourself evil and uncouth,
When the two collide sunshine scatters,
Leaving no meaning to anything that matters,

Flabbergasted what rang alerts gives me peace,
What seemed like a threat puts me into surreal ease,
Stop me from falling in love, I'm powerless in this game,
Such is the flow of moments,destiny cannot be tamed,

Why contemplate to waste time when this moment is euphoria,
Let me breathe it in every part of me,
Own a piece of my soul while you're here,
Your animal instincts, raw aura washes my fears,
Purify my soul, bathe me in glorious redemption,

So many lights when you say its dark,
Aimless,meaningless,shallow yet an indescribable deep spark,
A hazy state I need no perfection, a mighty tug without a direction,
Grasp me tender, hurt if it secures you,
Let me trace the path by a gut so true,
Playing in your shadow,no agenda, scheme free,
Exploring newness like a child in a rein less spree,
Everything here feels serene though maybe phony,
Life is nothing but a glaring irony.

Monday, November 12, 2012


Black and white,
A twist of fate,
Perilous turn,
Cruel, Cold, Usurped.

You be you,
Let me be me,
Its not a mesh,
Dont make it one.

Smirk,Laugh, Tatantallize,
An eclipse can be daunting,
Cloud my mind,
Graze the borders of my emotions,
They're still safe from your fiery gaze,
Will always be,
As long as you be you and let me be me.

Haunt me, seize me, play games,
There's unparalleled fun in the unknown,
Scoop a side of me beyond my fears,
You're the player, I'm the dice,
In your hands, still free to surprise.

Roll me, throw me, try your luck,
When freedom gives thrills, why get stuck,
Being limitless isn't always about unholiness,
There's something pristine in exploring the new,
As long as you let me be me, and you be you.

Friday, November 9, 2012


Burning passion, vested youth,
unruly, intimidating, tad uncouth,
Find me,take me,draw me,
There's something exciting about twilight.

The sun will rise,the dawn will sway,
Darkness perishes in frenzy we dance away,
There's something stirring about grey,
With every other shade it can beautifully mix and play.

All consuming, insanely magnetic sillhoute,
Nothing beyond, nothing within,
Zero regrets, let the moment to begin.

Callous, Cruel, heartless, scary,
Vehement, unearthing, fiery might,
Don't stop now, bathe in the foggy glory,
Hazy daze, such is the twilight story.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Its between the two afterall..

Every time I meet my girl group (Someone called us the eye-liner girls the other day (!!!!!)-What the hell! Judgmental creep)....Ermmm...Anyway-Where was I?

So YA.Every time I meet my girl group, I'm bombarded with more things to write about than I can cover in one blogpost. They have all kinds of theories to delve upon and usually leave me with cerebral thought-stacks. I have to clear them one by one, on a weekly basis before its time to replenish the repository again.

This weekend my whole group pounced upon me with concerns on how I let a particular friend take me for granted.While my tolerance threshold is extremely low for the rest of the world she gets away with too much crap. Now- I had nothing to say in my defense because although all of them run parallel on my priority list, the fact remains that I indeed let this friend take me for granted.

I heard them out and had a flash of an imagination being bullied.Mean-girls type situation. Shudder Shudder. Not cool!
I immediately called the pest, warned her to be careful with me henceforth and behave herself.She promised she'll be careful.

I hung up and realized.Damn. Someone you can call and reveal your awkward fears to- without second thoughts- are the one's you're "yourself" with.People you value because they let you be you and stand up for you when it really matters. People who make you feel secure in your most lonely times. Like a Rock.Why would you allow anything to ever effect your relationship?

Isn't rapport a culmination of whats between two people- Things that are visible and those that aren't visible to the world? Its only when we put our equation open for opinions and scrutiny that troubles grow. No??

How many relationships have you ruined in past only to prove a point to others? I think, I have done this blunder in past innumerable times. This perpetual need to put people under friendship tests. Stupid.Very Stupid.

Yes, your close friends and family will (and should) give their opinion. In fact,it would be weird not to have such interference.It makes you feel loved.No?

However,by the end of the day all that matters is how you feel about a person and your individual chemistry. If you twisted your friendship to prove something to the rest of the world- you flunked your own test.

Trying too hard is never cool- to either keep a relationship or to keep away from it. Just let your equation be- as it is- without choking the hell out of it. Address concerns that make you uncomfortable. That's my rule of friendship now and will remain so till I'm struck by a new uber piece of philosophy that sparks a BAZINGA moment.



I'm off to sleep now with special thanks to my girl gang for giving my blog matter, pest for being herself and letting me be myself, best-friends boy-friend for being a clown and the city for giving me a kickass weekend!

Till the next blog post- Hasta La Vista!

And remember- Its between the two after all!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Staying alive...

Respect is mightier than most other words.

When I witness success stories of people around me doing fabulous work and carving a niche for themselves, it evokes an unmatched feeling of joy and respect for them. Stalwarts who turn their own life around are often the one's who turn the world around too.
Have you experienced that pang of happiness seeing people achieve their dreams? Its this feeling from within that completely over powers all other feelings of fear, doubt and drabness. Its influence is ubiquitous.All-consuming and elevating.
I've been experiencing it every now and then lately. My spirits get uplifted almost cosmically when I witness dreams come true for believers.Yesterday, I was feeling helpless seeing an invincible person shatter-a bit.My own projects were getting delayed dampening me even more.In the middle of blues, a success story on fb instantly elevated my mood and cheered me up. That was when I realized," Damn! Such is the power of belief! Its like a butterfly effect giving wings to everyone who's at a similar frequency."

In times that we're living, nothing makes more sense than this urgent need to be human. Finding your calling and experience it manifest. I think I missed the word genuine. Just fit it everywhere. G.e.N.u.I.n.E

I believe and always will.  In my gut and people who believe in their gut. Yes.

And with that... *Respect for people who have come alive*

Also,a yawn for fake cowards and escapists who make noise to spread negativity. *Boo to you*

"Energy and spirit is contagious; never underrate the power of sharing, it can make something magnificent of your life and that of others-the world needs you-to stay alive-more than anything else"

Saturday, September 8, 2012

My relationship with god...

I'm not religious or zen-like. On the contrary, I can be extremely difficult and cranky sometimes.Nevertheless, I've made friends with god and we're good together these days.
There was a time when I questioned too much in our friendship; complained, whined and sulked all the time. There was this perpetual discontentment between us and like a rebuked lover, I think- he abandoned me. I haven't ever felt lonelier in my life. Never.

That was when I turned to books, people,TV and movies to find solace.It was that time when disillusioned and lost, I sat with myself, to find what the hell was bothering me. Was it over-expectations? Was it putting on weight?Was it fighting too much with my family and friends? Was it being in the wrong job?What the hell was it?

And I figured, the answer was simple- my only problem was with myself. The whole struggle of constantly trying to justify my wishes, choices, likes, dislikes and actions was my problem. My lack of faith in my feelings was my problem.I figured my closest relationship was with this unknown power-and I didn't have enough faith in its light- a light I kept trying to diminish- because it was opinions and experiences of other people that mattered more to me than my own.
This man/woman/force/power/whatever/whoever was the only answer to my questions and it was right there- inside me- asking me to first accept myself-without complaints-with my flaws, tantrums and drama. I realized how harsh I was to my own likes and wishes, how cruel was I to constantly justify my need to feel a certain way,do certain things, live a certain way and be reasonable all the time.
I realized how unfair I was to my closest companion- zillion times more powerful than me and yet holding my hand,silently,asking me to just be myself-nothing more. He walked away every time I tried to be somebody I wasn't, faking a side of me-in my over-enthusiastic endeavor to reach on top of Maslows hierarchy before time. (Eyerolls)

Anyway- I decided to experiment and accept all my emotions without questions. Even the weird/uncomfortable one's-you know?

Ummm...That was when-I think-he chose to take me back and hasn't left my side ever since. Its like finding the sun-kissed road to Elysium, where days just keep getting better and dreams just keep growing bigger. I haven't ever felt more at peace with myself and my flaws. My life, the most ordinary one, MY OWN LITTLE LIFE, has never made more sense.

I still have my share of troubles. But now I know its never between me and anyone else, its always between me and him.

Metaphysically, he keeps showing every now and then, in the form of the music I like, the people I adore, the one's who inspire, financial security, the house I live in, the help I get and the very random force that keeps my spirits uplifted.The closest I can get to him/her in flesh and bones is maybe the way I want to see myself and then experience it manifest, followed by Mom-Dad's presence, followed by the risk of sounding ewww-inducing corny and cheesy-Mr.Rights presence.

My relationship with god- Is one of gratitude, for just making me feel, the way I do..

Monday, September 3, 2012

And just like them old stars.....

I rebel, fight and make-up with my parents tad too often. I talk about freedom a bit too often. I talk about individuality a bit too often. I talk- too much- too often. Maybe we all do- at some point in time.

I shuddered reading this article today which may be extreme but nevertheless, touched me deeply.

For families like ours, where parents are sophisticated and learned, being embarrassed of them cannot be an issue.But we have other issues.Our issues are a perpetual conflict of ideas and philosophies,our impatience and recklessness,coldness and indifference.

I've lost count of the number of occasions where I’ve rebelled like a stupid teenager. I don't know if its justified or not. Maybe it is. Maybe its not. Maybe.

What I know- is the fact- that all of me- is a zero without their support. I can get away easily being a brat because I know I can run back and hide behind Dad in trouble, because Mommy’s arms are a cry away, because my troubles are not troubles really. They are just threats that can be taken care of - by my wall, my rock, my strength.

Isn't it the same for most of us? We get away easily with our eccentricities because we're sure that our parachute would open up to save us if we fall off the cliff. It would save us-come what may.

I have no clue what makes me write this disconnected piece.

Maybe the fact that I derive the courage to write from them.

How does it feel to hear a song where the lyrics look like they’re meant for you? Where the words are not a reflection of what you want to say but an echo of what’s being done for you- without your realizing or recognizing it. Things Mom-Dad never said but somehow floated into the universe beautifully through this song, making more sense than any song ever before,

“When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up…

-Jason Mraz

To my rock, my wall, my strength

Because I love you

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Why everyone needs to travel Alone....

It was Friday and I was at my creakiest best, grumbling about something randomly. The doorbell rang and I opened it to find one of my closest friends standing outside, brimming in excitement. The next few hours were like a virtual tour to something that left me completely awestruck.

S had just returned from her Euro Trip and couldn't stop chirping about how magical the whole experience had been-' inspite of her traveling alone'. I think, it was traveling alone that made the whole experience priceless.

A whole new gamut of experiences and a whole new perspective towards life. SO Cool!

Traveling to a new country, where no one knows you, where everything looks straight out of canvas, places that bring alive every chapter in a book you'd read, streets that challenge you at every turn- with their beauty and mysteriousness, coffee that smells just the way it smelled when you were flipping pages reading that novel,moments that breathe life into that person you become lost in the world of words-wishing you could really experience the truth in those words.

Above all- traveling alone- probably helps you find yourself, transcending you to the next level, bigger and more complete, where your intuition becomes your most trusted compass and guide. Whom to trust, whom to ignore, how to communicate,how to comprehend, how to gather the best out of the surroundings and how to tune yourself into something completely foreign. Your only connection being, being-human.

That evening turned into a fabulous evening, with crazy stories to absorb and a tingling wish to wriggle out of my comfort zone and experience something bigger, like her, and come back- better,brighter and happier.

Maybe we should all travel alone- to a safe foreign country (not some freaky unsafe place where danger lurks at every corner and return haggard)- with our wits and hearts at their best- to evolve into someone more beautiful,confident and wholesome.

Maybe what we all need is a taste of how the world outside looks and feels,to test the limit of awesomeness(which I think is infinite), to break away from prejudices,distrust,doubts and fears.

Maybe. Just Saying. But Maybe,

Traveling alone is what we all need to do- once in our lifetime- to complete our own picture and figure our place in the universe.Our place. In the universe.

"Exploring the inner journey through the outer world"
- Unknown

Sunday, August 26, 2012

What is so great about being great anyway?

I often come across people who in the middle of discussions throw this million dollar question at me, " But who are you to say so?"

I find that hard to answer.

Yeah. A 25 year old woman-with little dreams-I'm as ordinary as anyone can get. For me, my little milestones-even the smallest of them- are dreams-that make me happy.

But isn't the happiness of a society a congregation of the happiness quotient of its individuals?

So, if I live my life to the fullest,protect/help other individuals to the best of my capacities, doesn't it contribute to something constructive- even if its the smallest drop in the ocean?

Our society preaches the greatness in sacrifice and suffering to an extent that it has become a way of life. Youngsters marry against their will to sacrifice for their family, employees give up on their personal life to sacrifice for their company and your contribution to the country is worthwhile only if you sacrifice your life/comfort to make a difference.

What happened to just being human? Why this constant chase for greatness?

The only one life I have some control over or have the right to control- is my own.

If I nurture that one life my way- I'm called selfish.

"Why?" I ask.

As a society with more problems than we can handle and more frustration than can be handled, I think- we need to protect individual freedom and rights more than anything else. A society should lay rules to protect anyone from harming/slandering anyone in anyway for any reason.

Anyway- Do you ever feel guilty for living or aspiring for the life of your dreams?

If the answer is yes, then please do yourself and the coming generations a huge favor by living guilt free and fearlessly.

If you have lived a liberated life, you'll have deeper respect for that of others. In my opinion, that can do greater good than chasing greatness and subsequently judging,repressing and rebuking people.

What is so great about being great anyway if you missed finding yourself in the process?

Sometimes I wish they made Ayn Rand's Objectivism a compulsory subject in schools.

"I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine."- AR

Monday, August 20, 2012

On being a Creaky Cuckoo..

These days I explode at every little thing that ticks me off. Talk about being unpleasant. My family constantly hangs up the phone on me( making me panic and apologize in minutes to get back in their good books).
My friends give me exasperated warnings, "WE are putting up with this crap but everyone wont. You'll lose your other friends if you continue with this behavior." (I secretly laugh and feel brattily lucky)

No friend leaves or would ever leave. I just know it in my heart, my head and thank god for this every-every-EVERY day.


Its not right to perpetually be a brat. But once in a lifetime-Come-on- every one deserves to be cut some slack and go haywire!

Maybe this is quarter life creakiness. (#Just saying#)

I know am putting my case forward slyly but I sincerely think everyone should be allowed to go through a creaky phase.

The freedom to be a creaky cuckoo.

The good part about this phase is-you can be forgiving, understanding and loving towards other unpleasant people. We need to develop a taste for unpleasant moods and behaviors too. No?

Being cuckoo is good.You can do what your heart says without bothering about what others think. They anyway think you're loose in the head. So half the stress of living up to expectations is washed off already. The only strain you'd feel would be the urge to please people you love and the momentary vex on disagreements with them. Every time you feel that stress- you can let the pressure off like a cooker and things get back to normal after some noise! Simple!

Now-Now. There would be threats from the more serious one's who'd try walking out on you. If they're truly yours- they'll take a full circle and come back.Face palm to those who start disliking you for your inappropriate-avataar. Also, a fist on their face for being judgmental.

We all have our times: good and not-so-good. But there's something that makes us the people we are, the people we have, the people we'll meet and the people who'll stay. I think- that something- can never be defined in clear terms. That something- needs no definition or reasons either. That something- is just a feeling that spins your world and the people who stay.

These are people I adore.

They let me be cuckoo and creaky.

"I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”- Marlyn Monroe

Saturday, August 4, 2012

On turning green......

How often do you find yourself turning green looking at people around you? Do you feel that pang of jealousy surge up every once in a while?
Jealousy. Possessiveness. Hostility. Come-on : Admit it. You feel it sometimes. Don’t you?
I occasionally get these feelings surge up my veins full throttle, making me supremely uncomfortable. Who likes discomfort? (Unless you’re a retard of-course)
There was a time when these emotions seemed sinful to me. Don’t they show Parvati’s and Tulsi’s in K-series? Heroines don’t feel jealous or possessive. They’re at a different pedestal where such negative sentiments can’t reach them. In my head, I was always the jack-ass heroine in a melodrama.
I tried evading and ignoring jealousy/possessiveness for a long time, vehemently refusing to acknowledge their presence in my life until I realized, the more I ran-the more they chased me. So one day I stopped- looked at the damn feeling- finally accepted and made peace with it.
It’s okay to feel possessive about people who belong to you, No? So why dodge the feeling? Being an over-possessive freak is a different story altogether(Over-possessive clingy people are mental, can scar you for eons and deserve a separate rant post)
It’s also normal to feel envious sometimes. If you feel this tinge of uneasiness when someone says your sibling/friend/colleague is better than you, it’s totally fine. It doesn't make you insecure. It just makes you human. *Note- A tinge only*
You may ask,what about being comfortable in your own skin?
Being comfortable in “your own skin” can happen only when you have a vision of what your skin is like. No?
I mean, if you’re bloating and turning into Sweety Aunty from Bhatinda refusing to pull up your socks and get back in shape inspite of feeling uneasy about your body, convincing yourself that “being comfortable in your own skin is important”, I would want to shake you and shake you till the shaking knocks some sense into your head. Come-on! Look around. If there is even one person who’s living your dream- You can live it too. If you’re feeling uneasy and envious, accept the feeling and grow out of it. Work on the problem, obsess with it if required and make it your strength. But ensure that uneasiness becomes your strength.
If you’re possessive about your best-friend- then you are possessive. So what! Accept it and laugh it off. Laughing it off is all it takes. Really! It only reinforces your affection. But if you’re possessive about someone-else’s best-friend- then go get a brain-check. (Crackpot)
The point being- It’s okay to feel jealous, envious, uneasy and possessive once in a while.Accept these emotions.They act as catalysts helping you to grow, visualize and be the person you want to be. They fuel you up, drive you and nurture your being. They make you human. They make you understanding.They make you forgiving. Towards yourself and the world around.
We’re mere mortals and not super heroes after all.
On second thoughts, even super heroes have their own set of woes.
Remember Superman’s theme song?

“It may sound absurd, but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed, but won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me…..”

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Spot on- Judge her.

This post is what took me back to an episode when I was told, “Come-on Esha. “We know how you are" but looking at your pictures, you wont be perceived as the right kind of girl. The society still doesn't accept “such things”- you know? What “such things”- I have no idea- till date.

During the same time one of my closest friends was taunted by her boy-friend over something similar.

We both cried that day.

It was a day I’ll never forget.

That was the last time I cried or cared for being told “I was making a trash out of my life and I’ll regret it one day”.

Being honest, truthful, loyal and strong is just not important. It’s important to meet up to social standards- even if these are set by a society that’s shaken to the core.

Can somebody explain to me, with reasons that are more convincing than “culture” as to why “drinking-dressing-dating” is synonymous to being “too fast” ? And what is this “too fast” anyway?

The size of a girls skirt directly proportional to the respect she deserves? She calls for physical/ mental molestation if she stepped on the street in a nice piece of outfit. Why would she dress up if she didn’t want attention?

….Because she loves to dress up. Not good enough a reason?

As far as I am concerned, telling lies, hurting, hating, conspiring, manipulating and misbehaving are the real defects in a civilization.

As far as I am concerned, cheating yourself is worse than cheating anyone else. Not listening to your heart is worse than not listening to your parents. Giving up on your own standards is worse than giving up on the social standards.

One day- We’ll look back and realize, all we did was judge that woman who was beautiful, confident, loyal and honest but didn't fit into our “typecast- hypocritical culture”.

I know of women who live under pressure everyday. And it breaks my heart. Not that I’m a bra-burning feminist. But it breaks my heart when a damn-care woman is branded "too fast” and the other type lives in frustration and a constant need to please people. It just breaks my heart.

Maybe I’ll understand the dynamics one day.



And till then- You're free to judge.

Monday, July 23, 2012

The road yet travelled...

India will be the next Shanghai. If I hear this again, I’ll leave my fist on the face of the person making this statement. *Ok-In my head, I will*

Randomly, my head reels back to Rahul Gandhi’s statement after the Mumbai blast when he shamelessly announced how population explosion in India handicaps the government from stopping blasts.

Shameless pr@#k

China has controlled their population and kept their promises of building a nation at par with other super powers. The country in the truest of sense has blinding lights that leave you awestruck. The government might be autocratic but they’ve done a phenomenal job with reforming *at least* the infrastructure of the country.

Our infrastructure is in shambles. The life of our people is cheap. Danger lurks every corner. Conning and cheating is a way of life. Disrespecting people is considered smartness. Wrong- is the accepted norm.

The other day I saw a man lying unconscious in the middle of the road outside Dadar station with nobody to attend to him. Still worse, nobody was even stopping to look at him. The sight of that man lying unconscious in the middle of the road, in heavy rains, with hundreds of people carelessly walking past him, shook me.

Such apathy. Disturbing. Very Disturbing.

Every year rains lash across the economic capital of the country turning it into a large pool. This phenomenon is amusing. Half an hour of heavy rains is all it takes to press the pause button to normal life in Mumbai.


After visiting Japan, the thought of this pause makes me sad. If they could bounce with such intensity and build back their empire after such huge calamities hitting their country, why can’t we even set the basics right? Basic minimum; is that too much to ask for?

The dirtiest part of Singapore, also referred to with a warning for personal safety, happens to be Little India.

Thailand spews disgust at the mention of Indian men and treats them with such disdain that we turned red in shame at the scene.

Is this all a mere coincidence?

Or are these dots connecting each-other to the basic fault in our people capital?

A country that keeps boasting of culture and ‘unity in diversity’ can top charts for explosions. Culture is all we can attempt to boast of and in my opinion even that has become dilute and turned into a mere barrier for progress. Culture is getting lost in a mesh of castes and religions. Devoid. Empty. Meaningless.

When it comes to using our voting rights, we shy away from using it on the pretext of all politicians being corrupt, accepting that the system will rot irrespective of who comes into power. We have no faith in our basic integrity, values and principles. I use “we” and “our” because as citizens “we” refuse to trust or even try to build on that trust on “anyone amongst us”.

Isn’t it ironical that a country so loud on ‘expressions related to faith’ has such faithless citizens?



Is it because we’re high on ego but low on self-esteem? We like being a part of the grand picture, emulating others and turning into cheap imitations but refuse to gather our basic principles and build on our foundations right? Our individualities are sublimated, no?

Is it because once culturally rich India; turned that richness into staunchness and dogmatic practices to such an extent that the system which was meant to structure the society- actually shook its very foundation? The caste distinctions that were meant to help plan and build the social set-up into Philosophers, warriors, business-men and workers actually shook our very roots? The structure was used by stupid, low on principles- high on ego individuals for suppression and forced traditions that became a meaningless way of life.

Individuals meant to find their place for themselves in the social structure-following their inner calling are forced to fit into the breed they are born in. What else are such individuals expected to turn into? Individuality is a silent taboo in our society.

Note- Individuality. A Silent taboo

From a hawk-eyed perspective, India’s problem percolates deep in its psychology. This beautiful woman has collective energy that's conflicting and negative. People have degrees but are uneducated. Our policy makers are rotten and their inadequacies and insufficiencies are taken for granted.

Maybe what we need is a leap of faith, in someone.

Someone who has enough might to break away these caste and religion barriers.

Someone who has the might to follow and encourage people to follow their inner calling.

Someone who’ll shatter meaningless dogmas and biases, bring meaning to the structure ancient India rightly boasted of and lead us to the road we’re looking for.

Lead us all- To the road yet travelled…..

Saturday, July 7, 2012


Addled, torn,disillusioned,shackled,
Cacophony, unrest,mixed cackle,
Explaining, Combating, struggling,
As I desperately weighed the truth in you or me.
Illuminated,Dazzled,Ecstatic, Free,
Serene,Melodious,Orchestrated spree,
Soaking in the love kissed road to paradise,
As I discover the truth in me.

What is life but a parallax,
Conflicting realities,bamboozled views,
Myriad reasons and suggestions,
Wrapping you in a befuddled mesh of perceptions,
Shatter, Rise-up, Roar, Conquer,
Evangelize the trick to freedom,
Liberate, Unleash, Sprout,
Turn deaf ears to being called uncouth,
Sow your dreams with troth,
Hold on to the pristine state of innocence,
And watch the boring stillness turn into froth.

No-No,Don't let me mislead you,
Our life is but a parallax,
Lets live in harmony while we can,
In exploding states of our own truth,
Zooming in and zooming out,
Blinding lights, euphoric state,
Drowning in a private sea,
Dancing with the agile waves,
Discovering the truth in me.

Since what is life but a parallax....

Friday, June 22, 2012


I remember being the acquiescent sorts in school. Every time Dad got transferred to a new city, I’d need my sister to protect me from bullies for the first few months in school. I’ve always found (which implies even need) people to hand-hold me in nascent stages at every new place. Maybe I exude the damsel in distress aura (:-I).

Until a few years back, I also felt this need to get people-ratification before doing anything, absolutely ANYTHING. I'd feel guilty about keeping secrets to myself, I mean-My own secrets-to myself. I felt obliged to share all my thoughts,decisions and secrets with certain people before realizing it had become an addiction. Approval-addiction-La.For some reason, it made me feel loved and sheltered.

What I thought was a part of being transparent and lead to closeness was what strained most of my relationships in due course of time.

I think, this is how it works- as we grow up-our brain knows it can take its own decisions and we can take care of ourselves. WE, however are so used to being taken care of that it just doesn't feel natural to fend for ourselves anymore. This starts a tug of war between our addiction and mind. People (mostly close one’s) unknowingly support our addiction because sub-consciously even they have become addicted to our taking consent for everything. Capiche?

The younger one, pampered one, timid one, little one, docile one, whatever cutie-patootie word you have for this category of people (including me), after a point it’s just not cute anymore. It’s imbecile to continue with approval-addiction-la.On retrospect, one thing I wish I could edit in my story till now is not making mistakes, not crossing boundaries,not testing my emotions and perennially trying to live up to expectations. *Sob* These days when I’m propelled to take my drug, I remind myself-"Esha!Stop There’s no right job. There’s no right behaviour. There are no right people.It’s just that pulse you feel, the speed at which your heart beats, the zest with which you embrace life, the way you celebrate living that matters- ALL.THAT.MATTERS."

Have you ever suffered from Approval-Addiction-La? Even worse, do you still suffer from this addiction? If you’re 18+ and yet feel this need for opinions constantly, I strongly recommend you to stop being lame and getting a mind of your own. It’s high time you break-free, explore, experiment, discover and create stuff your dreams are made up of. Raised eyebrows and disapprovals are parcelled with this journey, but in the end it doesn’t even matter (*camera rolls into the LP track*)

For those of you who choose adhering to "tried and tested" methods, complacent with the tiny bouts of happiness from people praises(for being soo nice),try acquainting yourself to the euphoria of getting a standing ovation from your soul.

Approvals may be awesome but, " I think we can improve the word awesome.I don't want some awe.I want all awe.Aweall.NAILED IT."- Barney Stinson

Tuesday, June 5, 2012


Living on the edge,

Waiting to entwine,

Subdued by my fallacies or enchanted by this idyll?

Cacophony metamorphosing into musical notes,

Trickling,tickling,cajoling my soul,

As I breathe, waiting to entwine.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Do we ever get away scott free?

I met a close friend after really long yesterday and we parked ourselves in a cafe for the entire day. I have some of my best conversations with her. :-)

In the middle of discussing relationships and relationship-limbos, I commented, “Hey! But thank god, we always get away scott free"

She vehemently retorted, "No-one gets away scott free Dash. No-one. We may be emotionally strong and sometimes numb but that doesn't mean we get-away unaffected by people who enter our lives. Look at all of us. We all are different people today and lets face it, it didn't JUST happen." She almost broke into tears as she spoke and I was taken aback for a few minutes. My next reaction was excitement in anticipation of something huge. Weak moments are when I'm sure my friends would get up and redefine fabulous for themselves. *Yes*

At that point of time, I just kept quiet but didn't really agree with her.

Nevertheless, her outburst got me thinking. Undoubtedly. There are people who change us radically. Some acknowledge and embrace the presence of those powerful people in their lives even if it drains them out emotionally. Others become more powerful from within to let those powerful people diminish them. But we are affected. All of us are affected in some way or the other.

Certain people incite a feeling that's unique to their presence. Have you ever felt it? You must have. But have you ever recognized and recorded it? It could be uncanny restlessness or comfort. But it’s eerily strong. These are people who make you pay for their presence in some way or the other. It can be terribly vexing at times and you’d wonder what-could-be-worse. I’ve realized, if there’s one feeling worse than the ‘what-could-be-worse’ feeling, its being unaffected.

Being unaffected- Leaves you with a feeling of being left alone in the woods- Awry, very awry.

I think and re-think, rewind my life and type again- Did I get away scott free? Did any of you get away scott free? Can we ever get away scott free? If we do, we'd be left alone. Is that the price we're ready to pay-to get away-just get away-Scott free.

Friday, May 18, 2012

On fakesakes...

“Damn! Barney is SO me!”

“I can really relate to Carrie”

“I’m like Rachel you know? Daddy’s girl”

“Our group is a lot like F.R.I.E.N.D.S”

Cough Cough!

Ladies and Gentlemen, how many times have ‘You’- ‘Found Yourself’ – ‘Finding Yourself’– in sitcoms you’re addicted to???

Although it’s comforting to see yourself in the lead role of a serial that’s in vogue, it might corrode a lot of awesomeness from you, if you aren’t careful of your choices-that is.

It’s nice to emulate Barney when he quotes, “When I get sad, I stop being sad and turn awesome instead”


Its imbecile to find yourself in Carrie Bradshaw who keeps running back to Big even after getting dumped at the altar. That is when I want to slap you for being smitten by Sitcoms.

These characters are influenced by lives of unusual/eccentric people- with a pinch of familiarity for masses. Eccentricity is desirable, you know. But eccentricity garnished with honesty, humility and confidence- is irresistible. Sitcoms glorify this characteristic of human nature, barge into our homes and hearts, pull us to the glamour we find in these lives and before we know- we start living their roles.

Even walking on the streets in track pants carrying a rucksack can be glamorized. Rage and hatred can be glamorized. Being stupid and brainless can also be glamorized. It’s natural to be attracted to things that look interesting and fun. That’s understandable.

What amuses me is how sitcoms often become dochartach in our personal growth. Instead of discovering our reactions to experiences, we end up reacting the way our television counterpart would react.

Suddenly dumped men have started turning into Barney Stinsons let loose into wild dating sprees to re-write “How I met your mother”. *Douchebags*

Love-struck women find comfort in being mistreated by men they’re attracted to thinking they’re Carrie Bradshaw. *Idiots*

Piles of napkins are wasted shedding tears with break-up songs playing in the background; vulgar amount of money is wasted believing shopping is some kind-of-a therapy; misbehaviour is suddenly socially acceptable and you find yourself getting used to the drama in their life as a part of your life.

Every time I find abject and miserable people finding solace in embracing situations from soaps that deserve a shove-off, I feel like asking the producers to broadcast a message with the episode,* Viewers are requested to avoid adapting misery and stupidity from this episode. It is intended solely for entertainment purposes and to ‘knock some sense into you - not off you’ *

Alls not gloomy though (:P). There’s a bag of positives too. A lot of them portray humour in setbacks that’s breezy and worth adoption. The yummy actors, an array of thoughts to broaden your horizon and entertainment are a few obvious pros. Sadly, we end up filtering the melodrama and stick to it tad too long.

Pros or cons, reacting to situations the way your ‘fakesake’ would is silly. (Fakesake is a clever term I’ve coined for your television counterpart :-0)

Just a thought, but if someone asks you “your story” few years down the line, would you want to summarize it in one line, “Its just like Ted’s life in HIMYM” ??

Or would you prefer to trace your destiny, being foolish-smart-mean-nice-humble-arrogant-simple-complicated-etc-etc. to discover a character in you- that can be described in more than one line.

On being influenced by fakesakes- Any thoughts?

Saturday, May 12, 2012

How much freedom is freedom?

I have issues. Real serious one's. While I live in India, in my head its NYC and that creates all the mess in my life.

Someone told me, "You are just too self-absorbed. Maybe you should be nicer to people."
Someone else told me, " You think too much about others, maybe you should care lesser"
Someone said, "Maybe you should date more men."
The same person after a few months says, "Dude, you are using men to pass your time."

There are so many things that have been told to me lately, that my head wheels at even trying to decipher the advises.

Days fly past and I try my best to record moments that are memorable.

But time is flying and in India everyone makes sure you realize the speed at which it is moving.

Sometimes I feel old. And then I shrug myself to wake up, "Damn it- 25. THINK its NYC where 25 is young. If the illusion you need to feel your age is being in Manhattan, then think it is Manhattan"

Illusion is a state of free mind. No? But excessive illusion would make you a retard. SO.What is the dose of illusion that separates healthy from unhealthy?

Being surrounded by critics is important. But sometimes I wonder, can a critic be a friend? If people who have a problem with the "person you are" and constantly ask you to change, what is it that they love about you?

Personality is a trait that deserves freedom. No?

Freedom is important. It propels you to try things, make choices, feel lost, strut in dark and figure glory for yourself. Is there a chance that the confidence derived from freedom can turn into arrogance? Can the respect you have for your choices turn into disrespect for others? Is there a chance of things going over-the-top and you losing the essence of being human?

Does it leave you so drugged that you become tied down by your "own ego" and "illusions" after a point.

Boundaries can stagnate.But freedom can be dangerous.

How do we decide?

Should we just allow a time frame for people to go wild in the glory of their freedom years, go berserk trying new things, getting chaotic mentally, and finally hitting a threshold beyond which they need to look up, seek out and decide boundaries for themselves. But would that lead to hurting a lot of people in the interim? Undoubtedly yes.

Even as I complete this post, I'm not sure its complete.

How much freedom is freedom?

Beyond a point is it even freedom anymore?

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

On falling in Love....

This weekend I spent time researching on something called relationship phobia. Now you’d think, why? Why’d anybody be so jobless to do research on ‘relationship phobia’ out of all the phobias in this world. It’s because.I figured.Me and a lot of women around me, have been plagued by relationship/commitment jitters.Capiche?

The thought of anything long-term and serious gives us cold feet.

Now, that is ironical because almost all of us are also eager to have a more meaningful life and settle down. Ok fine-at least I am. These days, marriage doesn’t freak me out and I’m quite enthusiastic about a newer phase.

However, every time I meet a nice guy (serious material) and start (or think of) dating him, this other part of me simultaneously starts preparing a break-up speech. I could skate away into the horizon to get back into my comfort zone; that is the level of discomfort relationships give me. It’s weird considering I’m a die-hard romantic. I feel appalled to acknowledge my comfort and thrills in dead-end situations over relationships that have a promising future.

And hence, this weekend’s research was an endeavor to find out the cause of this strange behavioral pattern. I could relate to the symptoms- 10/10.It’s something that’s not serious, prevalent and also curable. Yo! It’s just a state of mind which would probably get sorted on reading the book prescribed (Eyerolls)

What I’d prefer though, is an alternate situation, where lightening strikes, Mr.Right appears in front of me and we’re love struck at first sight. I’d jump into a relationship with him and we’ll live happily ever after


I break cupid’s head and turn love-less living normal.

Falling out of love was never easy. But who knew falling in love would be such a task!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Universe. Screw you.

It was only a week back that my ultra-clever-self pinged a friend post-reading a poem, "Hey! Its been long that I've felt lonely and sad.You know, depressed sorts? Wonder why!"

One of those times, when you know its quite cool to actually be in high spirits but yet stick out your lip with the "oh-why-me" look.

That was "a week back".* Sigh*

Today, the extra-smart-me, started stalking people online (Yes. I have shit loads of free time and that's how I keep myself occupied. I can even trace Mr.Nobody on internet if I have one or two cues at my disposal. SO! If you're Rahul from Ludhiana, I can STILL spot you. Out of the million Rahul's of this world, just your name,city and a slight hint like college or common friend or hobby or *anything* might be enough for me to dig out enough information about you to know your complete file. Its a skill in itself.*I think so*)

Well, So. I started stalking some people and stumbled upon a certain profile and information that pissed me off completely.
I took my stupidity a step further and started digging more into it and started working my brain around things that are best "not to be analyzed". *Got me angrier*.Next I spotted an obscure comment on one of my pictures. *Even more angry*. Dropped food on my trousers. Found a whole liter of curdled milk on getting home. *Angry to the power infinity* Oh, before that I also had a harrowing airport fiasco (I fume on even thinking about it-I think my bad luck started at that god damned point)

These are proofs of the law of attraction playing its role brilliantly. It shouts into my face, "HA! You wanted it, so here, take more of it. Some more-Some more"

I'm in a phase where I don't want to assume responsibility for what I do. I would rather have someone take responsibility of my life while I chill and practice brat-o-logy. But damn the universe! It expects me to have these positive thoughts all the time or else I rapidly attract a string of amazingly shit-ass events into my life. How uncool is that?

Anyway, the LOA is no child play. It is eerily real and you actually get to create situations. No kidding- I've been observing it and have become sure of it now.It starts in your head. Not that I'm upbeat about being a magnet of bad-luck in the past two-three days.

For this avalanche of mess,

Universe. Screw you.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

A feeling, I love...

Its like I was meant to be here. Why else would I be so drawn to this place, these children and their lives? There are things you cant define, explain or even understand. Its like a daze and life moves in a reel when you find yourself in the middle of something that gives you comfort beyond words.

These are moments that explain signs. Perhaps.

Aisha *name changed*. The same child who is fighting for her life, everyday. She's an orphan.She has AIDS.And, she
has a longing. A longing to be loved. A longing so strong, that it's palpable.This little child gave me a tight hug the minute she met me and I found my heart opening up to her in a way,that's a notch too new for me. Aisha has found her home,her love and a new world at Protsahan. So has Protsahan, in her.
Suman. The same Suman, who can't speak or hear. And yes.She can feel.I felt this surge of familiarity when I saw her, maybe because I'd already written so much about Suman. Her name means flower. For some reason, that's all that I could think of as I looked through her notebook. That's all I could think of as I scribbled a few flowers into it.Flower. :)

Slowly the class started filling in with these lovely faces I'd seen on facebook so many times before. Faces I'd been reading and writing about for months.
I'm still trying to soak-in the familiarity. Suddenly the vague one-soul theory makes some sense.


Sometimes living without reasons holding on to your faith,perhaps being a rebel, is the only way to finding your purpose,calling,happiness,god-call it anything. Perhaps.

A place and cause that has drawn me to itself without rationale or reasons.Giving me a feeling,I love. Absolutely love.

Quotes I used to read earlier make sense now,

"Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be... a prudent insurance policy.”-EG

A feeling, I love. :-)

Sunday, April 8, 2012

On laughing at yourself~~~

I usually laugh at all sorts of jokes, it doesn’t take much to crack me up and leave me rolling on the floor. So much, that nowadays people don’t find it to be a compliment when I laugh at their gags. Instead they find me funny and lame for laughing at everything. How unfair!:-I

If it wasn’t for people like me, how would movies like Houseful run? I found the movie hilarious and was accused of being Low IQ by Dad. I told a few others of my rating and they also spewed disgust at my taste. What has the world come to? Where did respect for mindless humor go? :-I

In fact- Where did respect for being mindless and let loose go? It takes practice to take-life-easy. And boy! It works wonders. I have spent years wondering why some people get lucky all the time while I’m left high and dry, slogging my ass off to get no returns or menial one’s most of the time. And I figured, when you’re easy on life, life’s easy on you. 8-)

There’s this phenomenal person in my office, he’s like the father of the company.:) You have any problem and he’d have a ready made solution for you. A living encyclopedia! Someone with extensive knowledge on absolutely every subject! I’m the biggest fan of his knowledge but an even bigger fan of his humor. He can strike the most awkward jibe at you, but such is the intention that even the snootiest of people burst out laughing. The point I’m trying to make is- He is SO genuine, endearing AND nice, that even wicked humor from him isn’t offensive. He keeps asking us to retain our innocence and naughtiness. To NEVER let that child in us sleep. Even while I write this I’m reminded of his, “Tum kyaa boltaaa” and can’t help smiling. If at the age of 55 plus, someone of his caliber can be such an awesome sport, there’s a lot for us to learn.

Laughing at ‘yourself’ usually requires conscious effort before it becomes a natural reaction. But if everything came naturally, we’d lose the fun of discovering and overcoming uneasiness. No?

At the cost of being called low IQ (arrghh), I think, laughing your ass off on stupid senseless over-the-top masala is totally worth it. Life is so much easier when we stop setting standards and concentrate on making the best out of the moment.

Like Calvin says, “I pragmatically turn my whims into principles” :p

Panel 1: Calvin - Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the bet of the choices available.

Panel 2: Calvin - Some people are idealists, standing for principle and refusing to compromise.

Panel 3: Calvin - And some people just act on any whim that enters their head.

Panel 4: Hobbes - I wonder which YOU are.
Calvin - I pragmatically turn my whims into principles.