Sunday, January 29, 2012

Smitten by a city.

It was around 8 years back.Man! Is it that long already? Time flies,Really.

........I entered that beautiful little apartment in Bandra,Mount Mary Steps, my sisters abode. The apartment was a catch,the fantastic furniture and 'too-good-to-be-true' distance from Bandstand made me fall in love with it the minute I stepped inside. Those huge glass windows, exclusive to Mumbai, an attribute I initially found peculiar before developing a liking for it. Its actually quite romantic to sit on the sill of such big windows and stare across to, well the next apartment and with little effort into infinity. :)
My very crowded, very packed, very dirty, Mumbai. My city, my love.

I remember feeling insanely drawn towards the city after that first visit;the bhutta's, the musty roads post rains, the sea *my awesome awesome sea*, the people,the rush, just about everything in this city had something amazingly familiar about it. I visited the place on and off for all these years before finally moving here,on getting a job.
Even before I got my location, somewhere inside, I already knew it, this is where I was going to be, and till date I have no clue why, but I just knew it.

I remember telling my sister, there's something here, its a feeling of belonging, I can't describe or define. When you have 'no reason' to be attracted to something, but something just pulls you towards it and makes you love it to bits, when the feeling becomes larger than reasons and you fit into the moment, like it was this moment, designed for you and only you. Your moment, your place, your home.

I believe in vibes, they are my ultimate answer for every important thing in life. Reasons are smaller than vibes for me. I may have every reason to love someone, but if it doesn't 'feel' right, its not worth it. I may have every reason to 'not love' someone, but if it 'feels' right,its worth it.Yes. And its that feeling this city inspires in me. I don't have reasons to 'not love' it though. I love all of it. The madly crowded roads, the traffic jams, people pushing and walking past me (me returning the favor sometimes), the cute local brogue (1)Madam,Tro-pic *read traffic* jam se dimaag kharaab ho jaata hai 2) Idhar apna colony bahut safe hai,Sai baba ka mandir hai na, koi bhankas nahi mangta apun logo ko humaare colony ki ladiejhh*read ladies* log ke saath ), the unique chawl culture(people sitting and chatting on katta's, five hands to help you in the smallest of trouble and yet nobody interfering in your personal life),the pigeon flocks,the everything, just everything.

I know,I sound like a sappy little thing, crooning about her fascination for a muse. But you would understand if you knew the way I feel, with every fiber of my being feeling alive and reminding me every day, that my love for this city is just a feeling with no concrete reasons, a feeling strong enough to keep me awake,sparked and so smitten.

To a city, full of surprises, ups and downs, wondrous energy and a strange familiarity. My city, My love.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Dear Flu

Dear Flu,

Thanks for spoiling my entire week and making me feel like a bug.
My patience level has dived into new extremes.
My brain doesnt work and my fingers can hardly type.
I've become a pessimist whining about how cruel life is.
My nose is red all the time ensuring I look like a fish.
My mean side is glaringly staring at everyone.
I'm bitchier than usual and act like a nut.
Just in case you thought you're too smart, lemme tell you, EVERYONE hates you.
Now get the hell out of my system and catch the &*^% who was mean to me the other day.

Till then, Screw you flu.

Sincerely,

Esha

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Destiny's Child, Baby,Destiny's Child!


Really?? 113 out of 134??

This article(click here) is what got me thinking. Apparently,India ranks 113 out of 134 countries in gender parity according to the World Economic Forum’s recent Global Gender Gap Index.
I was first not convinced with the ranking and thought it couldn't be true before delving deeper into the article and realizing it is indeed possible. We talk about equality,parity,modernity and what-not. But, the fact remains, we're SO ready to limit ourselves,our life,dreams and desires(even in a relationship that mostly causes limits in other areas).

The other day one of my closest friends admitted to being Okay with "a normal career" because her fiancee thought "she can do whatever she wants but doesn't need to be over-ambitious". Now 'he' has big dreams and is realizing them steadily, so financially they'll obviously be stable and he only means to give her a comfortable princess-like life ahead.What is wrong in that?
With slight uneasiness I nodded in agreement to the idea of welcoming such a life of comfort with open arms. Dressing up, going to spas, blowing up money on trendy designer apparels and being treated like a princess. Sounds perfect.What could be wrong in that? Nevertheless, something about it didn't feel right and the thought kept lurking on my mind.

It took me back to another statement a guy-friend had once casually made, "Come-on! We're anyway so tired after work that having an intellectual woman at home is not an appealing idea.Look pretty,have a job but let it be something to keep you busy.(He even threw his head back and laughed monstrously at this supposedly clever remark)

I find it *bloody disrespectful* to witness random comments on "looks and lifestyle" over "work"for women at workplace. No, I'm not being a cynic, this IS specific to women. If you're a woman, your success is really analysed with a microscope versus your male counterparts. I can vouch for this statement.

I can't categorically point and say, "Hey!That's not fair!" BUT I can categorically point and say, "That's limiting me.That's stopping me from being 'me'."

I am not a feminist. No. But it vexes me everytime a woman is treated like shit and even more when women let themselves being treated like shit. It only makes things worse if its in the name of love.

Its *not* a debate on career versus personal life, men versus women or anything like that. I respect personal choices and decisions, even if it means giving up a career for someone you love. What the hell! I could maybe do it for someone few years down the line. If it makes you 'happy', why not?
What bothers me is how we agree to square up at the drop of the hat. How we just don’t have any 'real visions' for ourselves.

I cringe at the thought of not completing the puzzle of my life, being in the middle of a grand design and losing sight of it because thousands of incomplete people insist on timelines and rules.To me, this is ANYTHING but fair.

We're 113 out of 134. That's where we stand. Not only because the social set-up is such but also because we agree to let ourselves get entangled in this web. We take pride in sacrificing, we forget to dream and *for some reason alien to me* smile pretty at being called bimbos.

This era is like a remix track of sorts, sounds new but what lies beneath, is just SO old.

Anyway. I feel like listening to the semi-cheeky track by Destiny's Child "Independent women" for now to feel better.

And while I'm at it, why don't you go and think about this embarrassing rank. For heavens sake, lets get a better ranking next time!