Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Destiny's Child, Baby,Destiny's Child!

Really?? 113 out of 134??

This article(click here) is what got me thinking. Apparently,India ranks 113 out of 134 countries in gender parity according to the World Economic Forum’s recent Global Gender Gap Index.
I was first not convinced with the ranking and thought it couldn't be true before delving deeper into the article and realizing it is indeed possible. We talk about equality,parity,modernity and what-not. But, the fact remains, we're SO ready to limit ourselves,our life,dreams and desires(even in a relationship that mostly causes limits in other areas).

The other day one of my closest friends admitted to being Okay with "a normal career" because her fiancee thought "she can do whatever she wants but doesn't need to be over-ambitious". Now 'he' has big dreams and is realizing them steadily, so financially they'll obviously be stable and he only means to give her a comfortable princess-like life ahead.What is wrong in that?
With slight uneasiness I nodded in agreement to the idea of welcoming such a life of comfort with open arms. Dressing up, going to spas, blowing up money on trendy designer apparels and being treated like a princess. Sounds perfect.What could be wrong in that? Nevertheless, something about it didn't feel right and the thought kept lurking on my mind.

It took me back to another statement a guy-friend had once casually made, "Come-on! We're anyway so tired after work that having an intellectual woman at home is not an appealing idea.Look pretty,have a job but let it be something to keep you busy.(He even threw his head back and laughed monstrously at this supposedly clever remark)

I find it *bloody disrespectful* to witness random comments on "looks and lifestyle" over "work"for women at workplace. No, I'm not being a cynic, this IS specific to women. If you're a woman, your success is really analysed with a microscope versus your male counterparts. I can vouch for this statement.

I can't categorically point and say, "Hey!That's not fair!" BUT I can categorically point and say, "That's limiting me.That's stopping me from being 'me'."

I am not a feminist. No. But it vexes me everytime a woman is treated like shit and even more when women let themselves being treated like shit. It only makes things worse if its in the name of love.

Its *not* a debate on career versus personal life, men versus women or anything like that. I respect personal choices and decisions, even if it means giving up a career for someone you love. What the hell! I could maybe do it for someone few years down the line. If it makes you 'happy', why not?
What bothers me is how we agree to square up at the drop of the hat. How we just don’t have any 'real visions' for ourselves.

I cringe at the thought of not completing the puzzle of my life, being in the middle of a grand design and losing sight of it because thousands of incomplete people insist on timelines and rules.To me, this is ANYTHING but fair.

We're 113 out of 134. That's where we stand. Not only because the social set-up is such but also because we agree to let ourselves get entangled in this web. We take pride in sacrificing, we forget to dream and *for some reason alien to me* smile pretty at being called bimbos.

This era is like a remix track of sorts, sounds new but what lies beneath, is just SO old.

Anyway. I feel like listening to the semi-cheeky track by Destiny's Child "Independent women" for now to feel better.

And while I'm at it, why don't you go and think about this embarrassing rank. For heavens sake, lets get a better ranking next time!


DeEpAK KaRtHiK (420) said...

Pretty well said, opinions will differ few like it sometimes many hates it !
at end of the day happiness is all about getting satisfied with what we are and what we have !
Ranking improvement ?? hmm yes !!

Misra said...

It’s nothing to do with gender, its same with female top executive. Look at their husband they all are sophisticate house husband(public site hence didn’t publish the names) high flier wants listen to questions once he/she is back from office. Its Human tendency...

Red Handed said...

I study to get become what I want to be. and I dont have the brain of a squirrel to just limit myself to something which will keep me busy. I might even end up earning more than my guy and he should respect it. He should respect me as a person..
Great post!

Sridhar Ramachandran said...

Hmmm.. true.. and its worse cos women , even the educated ones today, tend to lose track..why then did u waste all that money into graduation / post graduation .. to sit at home and enjoy the pampering.. why??
a friend of mine completed engg. in flying colours .. then did MBA from SP Jain.. and now what does she do.. simply sit at home.. but sometimes yes.. the family a girl is married into put on the restrictions and yes social obligations do pressurize.. but at the end of the day the bottom line is you have got only yourselves to count on.. in all aspects of life.. stand up cos no one else will.. and no else need to.. remember that!!
and Madhusha.. i bet u will sit at home and get pampered by your 'soul mate' 5 years from now... :p kidding .. go on emancipate the women of today!!

Preeti Baruah said...

I love your blog posts! You somehow manage to make a sensitive subject, humorous, which is an art!

The debate/argument/views/differences on gender (dis)parity will go on for eons to come. But I enjoyed reading your take on it!

Whatever you do, don't dilute your writing style! It is funny, personal, conversational and superbly entertaining! :)


TheGirlAtFirstAvenue said...

You make an excellent point! Especially the part about 'women let themselves be treated like shit'. Granted that some men are jerks and that's how they treat women. But what I dont understand is why do the women let them get away with it? They have their own dreams, aspirations, they KNOW what they want.. yet they want to give it all up or rather make a 'happy compromise' for the sake of their men.
Great post!

Baiju Baaware said...

women this , women that ...balh blah blah..who gives a shit....
please have a career, earn money and help ur husbands, raise kids with them....and stop bloody asking has done nothing good to women...the way women talk abt freedom is like wen u bestow powers on a slave..they go crazy...i really like ur fiends comment...women are suposed to look good so that wen men come after a hard days work getting screwed by their bosses there should be sumthing at home to cheer them up ..ather than fuck them more by asking questions and talking abt their freedom.....WOMEN..BLOODY HELL!!!!!!

Madhusha said...

@deepak : True is abt happiness and personal choices...if it makes u happy..y not...:)
@Red: Thanks:)
@sridhar :I actually might do that.. :D :D
@Preeti :thankie
@The girlatfirstavenue: you summed up the entire post beautifully in one word "happy compromise" :)

@Bajju Bawaare: Okay. First of all, this comment borders offensive language/thoughts but i still accepted it because this is EXACTLY the point i was trying to make. My friend FYI, is an educated guy who welcomes change of thoughts and respects women even though he made tht comment thinking its funny.
You are free to opine, but I doubt I would accept any such comment on my posts again. Your time is appreciated but your demeaning tone, absolutely not. I welcome opinions and contradictory thoughts also, but not disrespect.
So, please refrain from posting such comments on MY blog ever again because they will be ignored henceforth.

rahul said...

well written!

Farila said...

Good thought provoking post. Have to disappoint you by saying I have contributed for that ranking too :(

KayEm said...

Women making careers isn't unchartered territory but the women who've succeeded have had to take a lot of flak - "she's too ambitious" somehow doesn't sound like a compliment :) Also, there aren't that many role models for younger career women to aspire to. That is why hats off to women who do make use of their education / knowledge. Loving what you do is another way to reach heights as you keep getting better at whatever you do.

Mithlash said...

Wow...wisely n nicely written post. Yes you are right same old product with brand new packing. Everybody here play emotional game to crush the vision of women and love is also included in this, so the happy compromise starts from here. So beware! To start a new pattern we need trendsetter so new energy will flow in the society n hopefully we can change the ranking ....overall this time I am impressed with your post...Keep writting n don't forget to be trendsetter:) :) :)

Madhusha said...

@farila mam: Thanks for dropping by. Its always a pleasure hearing from u :)
@Kayem: Agreed. To the entire comment
@Mithlash: You comments always make me grin ear to ear. Moral booster.Reli :)

Madhusha said...

oh @rahul :Thanks

Jen..The Butterfly Effect said...

I think you've written this post like skinning a cat. You know like analyzing every layer one by one and coming up with this gorgeous- gorgeous post.You have no idea,how much I agree with you Madhusha! :) It's totally what I feel too sometimes. Men are really so cruel.Some men.And I don't think it's wrong to be feminist! I enjoy being feminist! *evil grin* :D

I have a friend's bro who wouldn't allow his wife to work coz if she did ,she'd earn thrice his pay. I know another Aunty ,a family friend.She is a doctor and she earns twice her husband. Neverthless,her husband has supported her in all her endeavers from the last 27 years.Isn't that just great?! :)

SO..not all men are the same. It all boils down to one thing,babe! We better choose the right ones! ;)

Madhusha said...

Thanks Jen :)

Madhuresh said...

Yet another thoughtful and well-written article. I agree with Sridhar. Recently watched a discussion on NDTV as well and it is not surprising that women are either 'forced' to step down or they 'tend' to do it willfully for the sake of the family. Our society is a continuous evolution, and there is no denying in the fact that it was a male-dominant society till a few decades back. Somehow, the mindset (of that section of youth, which is still plagued with the right-of-dominance-bug)should change to embrace the equality (which is happening, but still very slowly unfortunately), and I hope the ranking will rise!

Anonymous said...

I know of women who have given up almost everything to save/raise their families. And I know a lot of idiots like Mr.Beju Bawra who forget the basic fact of life that they were born to a female. If people can't respect their origin they won't respect their future either. Mothers and future mothers like yourself have to make sure that boys are taught that lesson right from the start. It is only then the society will change.