Wednesday, February 29, 2012

You can either be pitiful or powerful, you can't be both

"You can either be pitiful or powerful, you can't be both"-Joyce Meyer

In recent past, I've experienced things the way I never imagined I could.
I've had my share of loneliness, anger and frustration.
I've had my share of moments, that were, in my head, nothing short of magical.

In recent past, I've experienced. E.X.P.E.R.I.E.N.C.E.D

Writing has been my healer. It calms me down in a way I can't express or fathom. I've realized that this universe is so huge that even if I want to, I can never control it. I've also realized, that its not just huge but also kind, and takes care of me, only if I let it. Only if I surrender.

I've realized that just letting god take care of me, has helped me love myself and the people around me with a capacity I never knew was possible. Somewhere down the line, pitiful became abominable. Everytime I sought pity, even in my head, I found things getting worse. Everytime I blamed others, mostly people I love for restlessness in my life, I suffered.

Situations are still the same.Nothing much has changed. I still wait for Mr.Right, I still get angry with my family for ranting about marriage, I still work in the same company, I still have the same friends, I still write, I still think,I still love this city and I still zone out.
Only, life changed. 'Life'.Has.Changed.

In my ordinary life, I now celebrate every little moment and emotion with an exhausting intensity.
Even the anger.Yep.
Even the loneliness.

Celebrating your emotions, celebrating "yourself" makes you special. Makes you extraordinary. Makes you powerful.

I discovered, with my family, with people I love, from their experiences and mine, that the time we waste in playing mind-games are worse than the time we waste in fighting. I discovered, that I wasted time in judging people for things that weren't my business. And even if they were, the stress wasn't worth it.

I realized my mistakes are what make me human. My being human is what makes me breathe in a way, I never had before. Breathing with complete surrender, to anything my heart said was right. Even if it was a mistake. Even if it becomes a mistake. It makes me human.

Dots. Little dots that I tried hard to connect,finally started getting shape.I realized, my job was just a job. Not my life. There is no perfect job. The right job, was just a word. A place that keeps me happy, helps me evolve, is my right job. And I found peace in finding that. A deep sense of peace. Suddenly life in the same job took a turnaround.

I still goof up. And no, my boss hasn't changed.

You must be thinking, what is this stupid little diary entry about. But you would understand if you knew how grateful I feel, for the way things have shaped in my life. How grateful I feel, for the way I feel. It makes me finally, after all these years of denial,love people unconditionally, forgive people wholeheartedly, surrender to my emotions and my people without suspicion or expectations, just accept all the emotions life offers. I can't even express how grateful I am, for being able to love people without questions. Phew. You'd think its a piece of cake. But if you knew how rigid and closed I was inspite of being an emotion-sapper, you would understand why its a big deal for me to be able to love.L.O.V.E

It makes my heart melt and grow fonder of this journey, my journey, my discovery, my story, 'my experience'.

Every day that passes by, makes me believe more in that unseen force, that force I always believed in but never truly experienced, until I held on to it with an all-consuming faith, that told me sternly,

"You can either be pitiful or powerful, you can't be both"

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Dear Thief

Dear Thief,

Thanks for spoiling my day with your $#@%^ habit.

I want to punch you straight across your face and make you bleed till you apologise and buy me things double the worth you've stolen.

Why don't you just f$ck$ng steal from people who can afford to bear your bullshit habit? Why me? WHY!?

My whole morning! WHOLE MORNING has been a disaster because of you and I'll not forgive you for this. Get it? Jerk.

I don't know who you are and this hate letter intends to ruin the next five days of your life.

Universe , are you listening?

Truce. You Thief.

Hate,

Madhusha

Sunday, February 19, 2012

On sex and the city

I woke up this morning to Dee's message." Guys, I can so relate to the characters in SATC, they're a lot like us" (I'm not a huge fan of sitcoms and don't really keep a track of them.SATC,is like a complete no-no for me. However,thanks to my friends I know the characters in these sitcoms more than the characters at my workplace. :-p)

Okay.Before I confuse you with making this post seem like a smart-ass comparison between my friends and the show, lemme clarify it deals with 'Sex and the city', literally.
Off late I've realized we (most of us I mean) have a skewed outlook towards sexuality. To an extent, that even marriage is advocated for legitimate sex (headsmack).
Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating promiscuity. I'm just trying to draw parallels between the contradiction of our culture and practices. On one hand we epitomize spirituality, on the other hand we practice the exact opposite of it. While we talk a lot about soul, when it comes to relationships, we succumb to perceived practical issues .
Marriage has a lot to do with amorous feelings BUT we'd like to portray it as a K serial episode, where the story revolves around "sanskaari" boy-girl/family union. Somehow, "I'm not attracted" is not considered a good enough excuse to say no. I ask, why? Pliss?? Can you give me one good reason as to Why attraction should be last in the list? Don't most cases of infidelity stem from attraction?

Hypocrisy.

Also,women are assumed to be needy and vulnerable. The provocateurs of this typecast are specimens ranting about being used after break-ups. Used-aaaaarghhh! I never understand this. How is one party getting used in anything that has mutual consent?
Getting-used-alert specifically to women perplexes me. Men don't get attached, is it?

I feel, women need to stop looking at themselves as sex-objects. At some level, intimacy has been confused with exploitation and that I think, causes insecurities leading to deep-rooted ego issues and mud slinging.Stupid, very stupid.

Women are protected from making mistakes with an intensity, that's humiliating, if you ask me. Are we plastic barbies who'd be broken into pieces if the wrong boy picks it up? (Eye-rolls)

The reason I love my friends is the way they celebrate their existence. The pride they take in accepting their flaws and the burning will with which they turn those flaws into beauties. Women who love without boundaries and are yet prepared for the worst. Who've never let their self-esteem get hurt by any kind of issues. My lovely ladies. Yes. You can relate to any character from any goddamned sitcom of this world but the fact that you nurture your being with heads held high-honestly,sincerely and soulfully,makes me want to create a sitcom out of your crazy-characters! :)

This one's for all women who make me proud and men who accentuate the beauty of such women with their depth and understanding.

Cheers~~~ To many more silly messages and brighter days!

And as for Sex and the city~~~~~~ You need better tuning. Really!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Because I feel Like it Dammit!

There are times when I yawn through my own articles. They are so incredibly boring and preachy that I'm left amazed.
Now. I came up with this brilliant( self-proclaimed brilliant, I mean) idea about writing an article on the reacher-settler theory (yeah the HIMYM one) but ended up writing a piece that was so arid that I myself couldn't read through the second paragraph. The post went into my drafts and the time that went waste, is, well a different sob-story altogether.

I wonder why does careful-thinking produce such random and boring pieces of shit. Its always when an article is spontaneous that it feels readable and fun. Imagine, feeling bored of "yourself". How gloomy is that. I spent unusual amount of time writing that article, assuming it to be deep and interesting but ended up producing a remedy for insomnia instead.

Aren't most decisions and relationships in life like that too? The one's we spent the maximum of our energy thinking about, are the one's that turn dreary and sleep-inducing over a period of time. The more we stretch them, the more we put our thoughts and energy into managing them,the worse they get.

Blink attitudes are so much better.Instantaneously-you like a dress- pick it up, angry-spill it out, warm-give a hug, thankful-express it, happy-wooooohoooo it, sorry-say it, bored-ignore it.
Getting me?The best decisions and most interesting things in life are usually "in the moment".
For lazy people like me, its bliss. No thinking or stress.

One answer to everything- I felt like it! (grin)

What fun!

Think about it, someone wants to meet you but you're not exactly enthusiastic about the plan. Instead of thinking and cooking up an excuse, all you need to say is, I don't feel like it. Period. Who would want to be an in-your-face pile on?Unless they're retards of course. And who wants to be friends with pile on's? Unless you are a retard of course.
So there. Your being honest upfront, without too much thinking, got you out of a potentially uncomfortable situation. Honesty, I think, is always appreciated.Even if its not taken well short-term, in the long-term honesty is a boon. The other party also is bound to "not feel like it sometime or the other", Right?

I have noticed that most issues get sorted when you thin-slice. People choices, apartment choices or even shopping choices, are bang on "meant for you" only when they strike a chord at the first sight. The building-up-a-rapport/ getting-used-to-it business works only in a very few cases. If you ask me, there is something missing and incomplete even after putting in efforts if the tuning isn't natural.
Everyone goofs up sometime or the other.Even the most manipulative people, go haywire in their decisions. Look at poor old Vijaya Mallaya!SO, in case your thin sliced choices bomb once in a while, don't fret.

After spending years of thinking-more-than-needed, I realize that its not just boring but also meaningless to contemplate too much. Analysis and review of situations slices out the "you" from "you" and replaces it by a collection of experiences others have had.

Nowadays, when someone asks me why I'm "doing something the way I'm doing it", I just look at them and say,

"..........Because I feel like it dammit"