Wednesday, February 29, 2012

You can either be pitiful or powerful, you can't be both

"You can either be pitiful or powerful, you can't be both"-Joyce Meyer

In recent past, I've experienced things the way I never imagined I could.
I've had my share of loneliness, anger and frustration.
I've had my share of moments, that were, in my head, nothing short of magical.

In recent past, I've experienced. E.X.P.E.R.I.E.N.C.E.D

Writing has been my healer. It calms me down in a way I can't express or fathom. I've realized that this universe is so huge that even if I want to, I can never control it. I've also realized, that its not just huge but also kind, and takes care of me, only if I let it. Only if I surrender.

I've realized that just letting god take care of me, has helped me love myself and the people around me with a capacity I never knew was possible. Somewhere down the line, pitiful became abominable. Everytime I sought pity, even in my head, I found things getting worse. Everytime I blamed others, mostly people I love for restlessness in my life, I suffered.

Situations are still the same.Nothing much has changed. I still wait for Mr.Right, I still get angry with my family for ranting about marriage, I still work in the same company, I still have the same friends, I still write, I still think,I still love this city and I still zone out.
Only, life changed. 'Life'.Has.Changed.

In my ordinary life, I now celebrate every little moment and emotion with an exhausting intensity.
Even the anger.Yep.
Even the loneliness.

Celebrating your emotions, celebrating "yourself" makes you special. Makes you extraordinary. Makes you powerful.

I discovered, with my family, with people I love, from their experiences and mine, that the time we waste in playing mind-games are worse than the time we waste in fighting. I discovered, that I wasted time in judging people for things that weren't my business. And even if they were, the stress wasn't worth it.

I realized my mistakes are what make me human. My being human is what makes me breathe in a way, I never had before. Breathing with complete surrender, to anything my heart said was right. Even if it was a mistake. Even if it becomes a mistake. It makes me human.

Dots. Little dots that I tried hard to connect,finally started getting shape.I realized, my job was just a job. Not my life. There is no perfect job. The right job, was just a word. A place that keeps me happy, helps me evolve, is my right job. And I found peace in finding that. A deep sense of peace. Suddenly life in the same job took a turnaround.

I still goof up. And no, my boss hasn't changed.

You must be thinking, what is this stupid little diary entry about. But you would understand if you knew how grateful I feel, for the way things have shaped in my life. How grateful I feel, for the way I feel. It makes me finally, after all these years of denial,love people unconditionally, forgive people wholeheartedly, surrender to my emotions and my people without suspicion or expectations, just accept all the emotions life offers. I can't even express how grateful I am, for being able to love people without questions. Phew. You'd think its a piece of cake. But if you knew how rigid and closed I was inspite of being an emotion-sapper, you would understand why its a big deal for me to be able to love.L.O.V.E

It makes my heart melt and grow fonder of this journey, my journey, my discovery, my story, 'my experience'.

Every day that passes by, makes me believe more in that unseen force, that force I always believed in but never truly experienced, until I held on to it with an all-consuming faith, that told me sternly,

"You can either be pitiful or powerful, you can't be both"

3 comments:

Raphael said...

good to know you've reached the point where you understand why things happen and how to react to them- maturely.

here's raising the glass for you.

cheers!

Madhusha said...

:D

Jen..The Butterfly Effect said...

That line is so powerful!! :) And so very true...surrendering yourself to your emotions is a beautiful thing.It keeps oneself in check! Like a rejuvenating feeling :)!!

And yes,never indulge in blame game,babe! That really is not the way! Good to know,you are "soaking in" absolute bliss,whatsoever!! :)