I remember being the acquiescent sorts in school. Every time Dad got transferred to a new city, I’d need my sister to protect me from bullies for the first few months in school. I’ve always found (which implies even need) people to hand-hold me in nascent stages at every new place. Maybe I exude the damsel in distress aura (:-I).
Until a few years back, I also felt this need to get people-ratification before doing anything, absolutely ANYTHING. I'd feel guilty about keeping secrets to myself, I mean-My own secrets-to myself. I felt obliged to share all my thoughts,decisions and secrets with certain people before realizing it had become an addiction. Approval-addiction-La.For some reason, it made me feel loved and sheltered.
What I thought was a part of being transparent and lead to closeness was what strained most of my relationships in due course of time.
I think, this is how it works- as we grow up-our brain knows it can take its own decisions and we can take care of ourselves. WE, however are so used to being taken care of that it just doesn't feel natural to fend for ourselves anymore. This starts a tug of war between our addiction and mind. People (mostly close one’s) unknowingly support our addiction because sub-consciously even they have become addicted to our taking consent for everything. Capiche?
The younger one, pampered one, timid one, little one, docile one, whatever cutie-patootie word you have for this category of people (including me), after a point it’s just not cute anymore. It’s imbecile to continue with approval-addiction-la.On retrospect, one thing I wish I could edit in my story till now is not making mistakes, not crossing boundaries,not testing my emotions and perennially trying to live up to expectations. *Sob* These days when I’m propelled to take my drug, I remind myself-"Esha!Stop There’s no right job. There’s no right behaviour. There are no right people.It’s just that pulse you feel, the speed at which your heart beats, the zest with which you embrace life, the way you celebrate living that matters- ALL.THAT.MATTERS."
Have you ever suffered from Approval-Addiction-La? Even worse, do you still suffer from this addiction? If you’re 18+ and yet feel this need for opinions constantly, I strongly recommend you to stop being lame and getting a mind of your own. It’s high time you break-free, explore, experiment, discover and create stuff your dreams are made up of. Raised eyebrows and disapprovals are parcelled with this journey, but in the end it doesn’t even matter (*camera rolls into the LP track*)
For those of you who choose adhering to "tried and tested" methods, complacent with the tiny bouts of happiness from people praises(for being soo nice),try acquainting yourself to the euphoria of getting a standing ovation from your soul.
Approvals may be awesome but, " I think we can improve the word awesome.I don't want some awe.I want all awe.Aweall.NAILED IT."- Barney Stinson