Thursday, August 2, 2012

Spot on- Judge her.

This post is what took me back to an episode when I was told, “Come-on Esha. “We know how you are" but looking at your pictures, you wont be perceived as the right kind of girl. The society still doesn't accept “such things”- you know? What “such things”- I have no idea- till date.

During the same time one of my closest friends was taunted by her boy-friend over something similar.

We both cried that day.

It was a day I’ll never forget.

That was the last time I cried or cared for being told “I was making a trash out of my life and I’ll regret it one day”.

Being honest, truthful, loyal and strong is just not important. It’s important to meet up to social standards- even if these are set by a society that’s shaken to the core.

Can somebody explain to me, with reasons that are more convincing than “culture” as to why “drinking-dressing-dating” is synonymous to being “too fast” ? And what is this “too fast” anyway?

The size of a girls skirt directly proportional to the respect she deserves? She calls for physical/ mental molestation if she stepped on the street in a nice piece of outfit. Why would she dress up if she didn’t want attention?

….Because she loves to dress up. Not good enough a reason?

As far as I am concerned, telling lies, hurting, hating, conspiring, manipulating and misbehaving are the real defects in a civilization.

As far as I am concerned, cheating yourself is worse than cheating anyone else. Not listening to your heart is worse than not listening to your parents. Giving up on your own standards is worse than giving up on the social standards.

One day- We’ll look back and realize, all we did was judge that woman who was beautiful, confident, loyal and honest but didn't fit into our “typecast- hypocritical culture”.

I know of women who live under pressure everyday. And it breaks my heart. Not that I’m a bra-burning feminist. But it breaks my heart when a damn-care woman is branded "too fast” and the other type lives in frustration and a constant need to please people. It just breaks my heart.

Maybe I’ll understand the dynamics one day.



And till then- You're free to judge.


ankur vats said...

Interesting article Madhusha......

Prabhjot said...

It took me some time but finally I did realize how flawed our Indian society is. The obsession with fair skin, the deeply ingrained insecurities, the lack of respect for fellow human beings and the belief that a woman's aspirations must take a U-Turn when it comes to taking care of her family (since it is her man that runs the show) is sickening. I studied in USA for my masters degree and I have never felt so alive and empowered. I am proud of my dusky complexion, I go clubbing whenever I want, I wear whatever I want and I date whoever I want. I am human. No one can take that way from me. I can look at myself in the mirror and be proud of myself. They say I am "fast". Hah! I am "Supersonic". Go figure!

Sridhar Ramachandran said...

so true! and for a looooong time i could never figure out why people can't digest a well dressed women? i have been in conversations where guys have made repeated comments like : "she is easy, she wants it.. look at her dress" rather than just appreciating the beauty! the problem is the overwhelming impact of the society and its views on our family / older generation.. what will people say? is a question repeated every time.. and i guess to u too! but really who cares if a uncultured (i use this particular word for the emphasis that it is not culture that speaks) prick terms a smartly dressed girl as easy or a slut! its probably his upbringing that needs to be questioned by the society!
another statement is about provoking rape, with small dresses?? (tangent i am not going there probably comment on another blog of urs later) but such excuses are atrocious and is accepted by the same society which is unbelievable!
on the flip side thereare wannabe's who struggle and to get attention do so.. but exceptions can't be the rule!

Madhusha said...

@ankur :thanks
@prabhjot: All I can say is something about your comment is very powerful and made me happy. Cheers :)
@sridhar: U've been cornered by me real bad in the last post , lol. Out of the nth times that ive apologized, here's one more big big sorry. Please criticize if u want to and tk it to whatever tangent u want :)

Sridhar Ramachandran said...


Red Handed said...

ppl who judge should take a closer and deeper luk at your own self. most of them are people who do not have the guts to go out and live life according to their own desires. they are those who have give in to the societal pressures
excellent writeup!

Rishi said...

Great piece!! with every writeup u up the ante!! this one here stirs up so many emotions close to my own heart..have witnessed confidence and flamboyance crushed to nothing and left to float in limbo..hope that dawn will break upon us one day and help break the shackles of our society!

Madhusha said...

@Red and Rishi :Thank you :)

Anonymous said...

Absolutely spot on. 'Too fast' has no meaning. I really don't think( From a Man's perspective) that girls who dress up for attraction are fast, forget the ones who dress up for their satisfaction. I think you shouldn't try to understand the dynamics and just be the way you are.