Monday, January 21, 2013

On being a Control Freak

“Control is an illusion, you infantile egomaniac. Nobody knows what's gonna happen next: not on a freeway, not in an airplane, not inside our own bodies and certainly not on a racetrack with 40 other infantile egomaniacs.”- Claire Lewicki

I’ve realized that a lot of us tend to be in control of emotions and relationships all the time. We’re consumed by this need to communicate and sort things to a degree which is sickening.

The point is, love and ownership are two different concepts. For some reason we seem to mix-up the two royally. Come-onnn, Face it. If you want to share everything about yourself with someone and expect to know everything about them, it’s just spooky fixation!

Sharing is wonderful only if the lack of it doesn't cause paranoia. Otherwise it becomes a compulsive disorder.
This state is not just arduous but also dangerously unhealthy. You perennially set standards and try meeting the one’s set for you.There’s nothing new or exciting left to explore in the relationship after a point. It’s tedious, staid and guarantees boredom. There’s more reflection and hardly reflex action.
I remember being a freak myself, bogged by a need to clarify all my actions at one point in time.  I now realize, it's the worst form of dodgery into unhappiness.

Complete transparency all the time is not humanly possible! There are times when we aren’t even sure of how we feel and being burdened with forced communication is just toxic!

Push some things under the carpet, let some emotions just pass, let some mistakes just be experiences and let people be themselves. Enjoy people for who they are instead of wasting energy creating the artists sketch in your head.

A beautiful example of a control-freak now in tune with people she loves is my friend D. She sorts issues by letting go when needed, loves people by allowing them to evolve their way, stands by them without questions and has grown sturdily herself by living in the moment!

If you want to enjoy looking at the mirror and the person who stares back at you, you have to make the best out of your present. You have to stop brooding over managing others all the time in the name of love. You have to go with the flow and love people with that free spirit.

You need to be free. To be able to love
“You can't control other people. If you try to, you give all your freedom to them.” Sam Haines