Life is pretty good these days.
Like, the weather is awesome.
Like, my balcony garden is full of blooms.
Like, my golden retriever is the best in the world.
Ermmm... Wondering what the point is?
The point is that- the other day I reached office and was cribbing about something ( as usual!!) when a colleague turned to look at me baffled and said, "Why you crib like this? New car you got, you should be happy.Always crying."
I stopped and thought about it. Indeed! Yes. I'd got a new car and should have been pretty damn excited about it because it kind of fits into the kind of a car I always wanted to own. But here I was! Cribbing about some stupid office related issue. How many of us spoil our peace of mind over petty issues in life? Back-biting, power games and politics, these are part and parcel of life as we grow older. Losing mind over it is stupidity. Nah?
I am (and have always been) the types who learn their lesson only after getting kicked on their butt a couple of times by life(and people). Sometimes , I wish I was smarter and could just learn looking at the experience others have but nay! The kick on the butt is indispensable for me. The good thing is that it makes it easier to barf out words when I want to write a blog post.So, its okay.
Tell me, when was the last time you were REALLY disconnected from things that were going wrong in life. I mean, when was the last time you chose to plug in your headphones and cut the crap around you? Instead of straining your ears to eavesdrop into what others are scheming, simply zoning into your own world is so much better! When I was younger, I had a zone of my own where I fenced most people out and only let a special few in. It made me recluse, distant and very-very lost. But you know what? It made a me a happier person. You know why? Its because in my world - my imagination was my closest ally. The good things in life were glamorized and I used to strive to make a difference to things that bothered me.
I look back at my 24 year old self and feel she did a much better job at living a purposeful life than what I'm doing today. She was bloody awesome at appreciating the good things in life and wishing for better things unlike the 29 year old me, today, who just takes everything for granted. The more I get, the more I want. Its a vicious cycle that never ends. Its like drifting into a space of perpetual greed and unpleasant-ness(Fine, that's not word? Okay, but you get the point right?)
That casual remark by my colleague was like a Eureka for me! If at 29, a special moment like buying a car doesn't excite me enough, god only knows what my 35 year old version would be.Would I turn into an old grouch who spews venom every time she speaks?Who constantly carps about every small thing that goes wrong?* It frightened me* Has anybody else felt the same heavy weight in recent past? The weight of losing sight of everything positive because somehow, some cavity seems to be larger than the spaces that are full of colors. The chase to fill that cavity becomes so consuming that the gifts you possess seem pale.
I've lost countless good vibes and people in my endeavor to get the perfect treatment, perfect outcomes and perfect reactions.Every time things got perfect, there was something more perfect to look out for. Every time people faltered the tiniest bit, I made an anthill out of a mole. The times i should have plugged in my head phones, listened to music and zoned out of negative thoughts- I gave them fertilizer by discussing them more and giving them a chance to breed. I forgot, these thoughts are like weeds that spread at the blink of an eye. And before you know- voila! it infests your entire mind space.
So here I am, on a cloudy windy night, sitting near my balcony full of beautiful flowers, a handsome husband sleeping next to me, a warm golden retriever cuddled near my toes and a stream of words back in my life- giving me insurmountable joy, as I type into my keyboard.
I just found back something really important that I'd lost- Gratitude for the good things in life :)
"Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy. No person will make you happy unless you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you, it will come from you."- Ralph Martson